HI GUISE! :D
So interesting things happened tonight. I spoke about how Chello is over girls, and I am still in the middle with Amber, and I did indeed forget to mention that Xander was also going through some tricksy problems of his own. So where do I start?
The Good: Xander has immense feelings for a girl in his school. I won't go into too much detail, because thats a story that has too much volume for my tiny blog :P I don't know all the tiny details myself anyways. The point is that this girl generally didn't treat Xander like she cared, and it really affected him in a negative way. Long story short, something happened, she cried over it and was really hurt. Then Xander and her made up, and agreed to be friends, which at least helped him out in a huge way. He seems super happy again, like a huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders.
The Bad: I mentioned last night that there was a chance I would be seeing Amber tomorrow night. Well at the end of the day I am, which is super cool, but it won't be just us two. She asked me tonight if I would mind giving her and her best friend Robs a lift there and back. Gruff and Niel will also be there. This is all cool, I really don't mind, but how can she not mention this to me in her sms? It really felt like her sms was addressed to me personally, and not a bulk sms sent to a few people. It also annoys me that she just asked for a lift out of nowhere now. It almost feels like I was just invited as a convenience (although I know it probably wasn't) this isn't really bad, but I was really hoping for some alone time with her. Oh well -_- not to mention the fact that when I am with her and Robs, I am kind of like the spare wheel.
The Worst: I mentioned Chello in my blog last night with him and his relationship (or lack of) with Pascal. She told him that she just wants to be friends with him. Well tonight, Chello found out that she did most definitely hook up with his friend Petri, and that he in fact asked her out. This really is like a total low blow to Chello. WHILE they were "unofficially" dating, she decided to just slow it down and be friends. Barely a week later, she is dating his (now ex) friend Petri. Chello deleted her off mxit and facebook. She sent him a message over facebook though, which he sent me. I'll just copy some extracts and paste them here:
"if you care for me and want me to be happy u should be happy for us, coz he asked me out and i said yes. and i like him. alot. and i want me and u to be happy and uncomplicated and i want you to be hppy for me and him since i'm happy for you. and this is somehtign that just happened, hes got nothign to do with the fact that me and u didnt work out, it jsut so happened to be the right timing. mwah"
I know its hard to make sense of her random typing, but you get the gist of it. It just irritates me how she just used Chello, and now is all of a sudden in love with his best friend. Really, how naive can you be?
I know its random, but all these things seemed to happen tonight (or in the span of 24 hours). Xander making up with Toine, Amber telling me other people will be joining us, and Chello finding out that Pascal is a bit of a *insert bad word here*. Thought it would make for an interesting read :) I find it interesting how we are all on different levels of relationships (or now friendships or lack thereof.) Lets see whats to come...
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Good Thing Sipho Was Outside On The Treadmill Making This Internet Connection Possible ^_^
I'm still alive! Sorry I have been so scarce, I have just been so super busy. The times I do have to blog, I tend to spend playing games online. I have a friend named Chello, who I have never met before, who stays in Cape Town. We met while playing games online and we chat about our lives and random stuff like every day now. The point though is that it is impossible for me to be online without Chello demanding that I join him in a game of HoN. Unfortunately there is always that itch to play so I tend to choose playing over writing, which isn't good I know :) I just need balance out both. Chello always chats to me online though, always about random stuff. When we do talk about serious stuff though, it always ends up that I chat about Amber and he talks about a girl in his life Pascal. What else do guys talk about when they are serious? Only girls...
Chello really liked this girl Pascal, but then she ended up telling him that they should just be friends (after they had a bit of an unofficial relationship or whatever you want to call it.) She went behind his back though and ended up hooking up with Chello's one friend. That really affected him, and now he doesn't trust women at all. In fact so much so that he keeps telling me to just not chat to Amber at all and get over her, because she will probably pull a Pascal on me and hurt me. It's not like she hasn't hurt me before, but I still refuse to listen to him. He raises such a good point though. Most girls always whine about how guys can be such jerks and screw them over. You know why it happens though? When every guy is innocent and still in their teens or just out of their teens (like me :P I'm 21) some of us actually know how to treat girls very well. We treat them with respect, spoil them, look after them and let them know they are loved. Based on mine and Chello's experiences, and various other male friends I know, this always seems to have us being shook off and being hurt. It's really not nice... I can't even begin to explain how sometimes I just think about maybe if I am an ass to Amber, she will pay me the attention that I crave, and the love that I want. I would never resort to that though, I am not a typical guy. Anyways I know this is a rant, and the moral is that girls should just really treausre guys that go the extra mile for them. I have done so much for Amber that I don't expect in return, but I must admit that sometimes I just wish she would show that she appreciates me a bit more then she does. A random sms here and there, a random thank you for everything... that kind of thing would make me so happy. Chello will really take some time before he trusts girls again though, I don't blame him. Pascal is a confusing female and she hurt him.
In other news, I have not hung out with Amber for ages. She asked me if I want to go out with her this Thursday evening. I'm all keen, but I'm not getting my hopes up for us being alone, for all I know it was just a normal invite sms she sent to various people. I hope its just us two though, I miss seeing her alone.
JuicyFig you really will have to help me here. In the game of HoN we played tonight there was an American playing. He casually went on and on and on to tell us that we are a pathetic nation. We are all black and the rest of the world doesn't care about our crappy country. He also went on to say that we can't afford the internet and we all suck. Yeah well done genius, its not like we were connected to the internet to be on the receiving end of your useless racist remarks. It doesn't take a lot to make me angry, but I must admit that it got my blood boiling. South Africa is one of the most amazing places in the world, with a big variety of people. I sometimes don't understand how people overseas (mainly the Americans) have such a lack of knowledge about the rest of the world. Do they really think we stay in huts and have like no sort of buildings or technology? That we just have animals strolling around casually? Granted we aren't as up to date as the rest of the world, but we are not from the stone age -_- I just love South Africa I guess, such an awesome place! Does the world know that? Or do they just see us as another African country?
For those of your blogs that I haven't yet commented on, fear not! I will be reading them soon :) until another time... goodnight!
Chello really liked this girl Pascal, but then she ended up telling him that they should just be friends (after they had a bit of an unofficial relationship or whatever you want to call it.) She went behind his back though and ended up hooking up with Chello's one friend. That really affected him, and now he doesn't trust women at all. In fact so much so that he keeps telling me to just not chat to Amber at all and get over her, because she will probably pull a Pascal on me and hurt me. It's not like she hasn't hurt me before, but I still refuse to listen to him. He raises such a good point though. Most girls always whine about how guys can be such jerks and screw them over. You know why it happens though? When every guy is innocent and still in their teens or just out of their teens (like me :P I'm 21) some of us actually know how to treat girls very well. We treat them with respect, spoil them, look after them and let them know they are loved. Based on mine and Chello's experiences, and various other male friends I know, this always seems to have us being shook off and being hurt. It's really not nice... I can't even begin to explain how sometimes I just think about maybe if I am an ass to Amber, she will pay me the attention that I crave, and the love that I want. I would never resort to that though, I am not a typical guy. Anyways I know this is a rant, and the moral is that girls should just really treausre guys that go the extra mile for them. I have done so much for Amber that I don't expect in return, but I must admit that sometimes I just wish she would show that she appreciates me a bit more then she does. A random sms here and there, a random thank you for everything... that kind of thing would make me so happy. Chello will really take some time before he trusts girls again though, I don't blame him. Pascal is a confusing female and she hurt him.
In other news, I have not hung out with Amber for ages. She asked me if I want to go out with her this Thursday evening. I'm all keen, but I'm not getting my hopes up for us being alone, for all I know it was just a normal invite sms she sent to various people. I hope its just us two though, I miss seeing her alone.
JuicyFig you really will have to help me here. In the game of HoN we played tonight there was an American playing. He casually went on and on and on to tell us that we are a pathetic nation. We are all black and the rest of the world doesn't care about our crappy country. He also went on to say that we can't afford the internet and we all suck. Yeah well done genius, its not like we were connected to the internet to be on the receiving end of your useless racist remarks. It doesn't take a lot to make me angry, but I must admit that it got my blood boiling. South Africa is one of the most amazing places in the world, with a big variety of people. I sometimes don't understand how people overseas (mainly the Americans) have such a lack of knowledge about the rest of the world. Do they really think we stay in huts and have like no sort of buildings or technology? That we just have animals strolling around casually? Granted we aren't as up to date as the rest of the world, but we are not from the stone age -_- I just love South Africa I guess, such an awesome place! Does the world know that? Or do they just see us as another African country?
For those of your blogs that I haven't yet commented on, fear not! I will be reading them soon :) until another time... goodnight!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
I Just Don't Have The Power...
Hey Blog :)
So thanks to our countries AWESOME energy supplier, Eskom, I have no power at my house at the moment. In fact several blocks seem to be out. I was out pretty much the whole day, but it only decided to cut out about 5 minutes before I got home (according to my dad) normally, I would really be annoyed, but for some reason I am not.
I had not had dinner, and I got home around 11 or so. AAAH! Quick interjection here: The power came on for a second, I saw my phone start charging! Then it died.... but then it came back for another second! Then it died again. They must be getting close to fixing the problem. Anyways back to my blog! So I had to eat dinner. My mom had dished up for me and left my food in the microwave. Thank goodness she didn't put it in the fridge or else I would have had a cold meal. It was interesting eating in the dark with a little electric lantern we had for such occasions (which at one stage were a very frequent occurrence in South Africa). My dad walked through the kitchen and commented that until the age of 10 he had not had any electricity. Now you may be thinking along the lines of what the hell electricity has been around for more then a century now??? Yes that is correct, and I do not know all the details or the full story, but my dad comes from a little Portuguese island called Madeira (google it if you want to know more ;D) I take it that electricity took its time in finding its way to that little island, or my dad just lived in a village that didn't have any. My dad was born in 1947 so it would be interesting to know when electricity found its way there. The only reason my dad got electricity at the age of 10 is because he moved to South Africa at that age.
So I finished my meal, and decided to climb into bed straight after (not that there was really anything else to do) but I must admit, I am rather enjoying laying upright here and writing in my blog. My bed is right next to my window. I opened my blinds, and I have the most amazing view of the perfect full moon. Quick fact about me if you didn't already know: I really love the moon. I can be walking along, glance it the full moon and literally stop and stare at it for ages. It's quite surprising that I haven't crashed, because I can do it while driving too. It's strange though, Amber is the complete opposite. She loves the perfect sunsets, which I admit I like too, but I prefer the moon. I always think about her when I see an awesome sunset, and I can't help but feel that she thinks about me when she sees a perfect moon.
AAAH! The power seems to have come back on now. Nothing has changed though, I am still in total darkness in my bed. I wonder where my cat it, she always comes and snuggles at my feet when I am in bed. I left my window open and embraced the cold air, knowing she will come inside sometime during the evening.
My one friend Marcello decided to start a blog thanks to me. He only ever reads mine when I have told him to read my latest entry. Lately he has been going through some girl issues himself and decided to start his own. Surprisingly, like me, he really enjoys it too, and finds putting his thoughts in writing quite a nice thing to do. He also keenly mentioned in his first blog how I never mention him in my blog, so this paragraph is for him :P if you want you can check his profile out, he is one of my followers.
Lets hope that Eskom can get this power story sorted out soon... thw world cup is less then two months away! Don't even get me started on Telkom, the internet here has been terrible over the last few days. In fact, I am posting this off my 3G connection (which I would have had to have done anyways considering I am in bed :P)
So thanks to our countries AWESOME energy supplier, Eskom, I have no power at my house at the moment. In fact several blocks seem to be out. I was out pretty much the whole day, but it only decided to cut out about 5 minutes before I got home (according to my dad) normally, I would really be annoyed, but for some reason I am not.
I had not had dinner, and I got home around 11 or so. AAAH! Quick interjection here: The power came on for a second, I saw my phone start charging! Then it died.... but then it came back for another second! Then it died again. They must be getting close to fixing the problem. Anyways back to my blog! So I had to eat dinner. My mom had dished up for me and left my food in the microwave. Thank goodness she didn't put it in the fridge or else I would have had a cold meal. It was interesting eating in the dark with a little electric lantern we had for such occasions (which at one stage were a very frequent occurrence in South Africa). My dad walked through the kitchen and commented that until the age of 10 he had not had any electricity. Now you may be thinking along the lines of what the hell electricity has been around for more then a century now??? Yes that is correct, and I do not know all the details or the full story, but my dad comes from a little Portuguese island called Madeira (google it if you want to know more ;D) I take it that electricity took its time in finding its way to that little island, or my dad just lived in a village that didn't have any. My dad was born in 1947 so it would be interesting to know when electricity found its way there. The only reason my dad got electricity at the age of 10 is because he moved to South Africa at that age.
So I finished my meal, and decided to climb into bed straight after (not that there was really anything else to do) but I must admit, I am rather enjoying laying upright here and writing in my blog. My bed is right next to my window. I opened my blinds, and I have the most amazing view of the perfect full moon. Quick fact about me if you didn't already know: I really love the moon. I can be walking along, glance it the full moon and literally stop and stare at it for ages. It's quite surprising that I haven't crashed, because I can do it while driving too. It's strange though, Amber is the complete opposite. She loves the perfect sunsets, which I admit I like too, but I prefer the moon. I always think about her when I see an awesome sunset, and I can't help but feel that she thinks about me when she sees a perfect moon.
AAAH! The power seems to have come back on now. Nothing has changed though, I am still in total darkness in my bed. I wonder where my cat it, she always comes and snuggles at my feet when I am in bed. I left my window open and embraced the cold air, knowing she will come inside sometime during the evening.
My one friend Marcello decided to start a blog thanks to me. He only ever reads mine when I have told him to read my latest entry. Lately he has been going through some girl issues himself and decided to start his own. Surprisingly, like me, he really enjoys it too, and finds putting his thoughts in writing quite a nice thing to do. He also keenly mentioned in his first blog how I never mention him in my blog, so this paragraph is for him :P if you want you can check his profile out, he is one of my followers.
Lets hope that Eskom can get this power story sorted out soon... thw world cup is less then two months away! Don't even get me started on Telkom, the internet here has been terrible over the last few days. In fact, I am posting this off my 3G connection (which I would have had to have done anyways considering I am in bed :P)
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Freedom Day!
So the weekend happened. Not much to talk about there :P well not that I really have the energy to write about now anyways.
Today was a public holiday which meant a great day of just relaxing and doing nothing too strenuous. The weather has taken a rather strange turn as of late. It's like we were in Summer (early Autumn here is still very warm) but then overnight the weather just changed and it's so chilly now! So staying in bed late was by far the most awesome thing to do. I haven't been out with my close cousins for a family lunch for AGES! Like I mean I see them often, but back in the day, me and my cousins Claudia, Gabriela and Andrea used to go out for lunch with my parents all the time. Then we all grew up a bit (Well me and Claudia, because we are the same age) and it wasn't as frequent a gathering. Anyways, We sat there and chatted lots about random stuff. I must admit, I love my family to bits. I truly have an amazing collection of people to share my life with! Me and my cousin Claudia chatted about her ex, Lorenzo, and my confusing interest, Amber. Her and Lorenzo were really such an awesome couple. I still don't really know what happened to them (they broke up two years ago) and she was telling me how she misses him so much. I must admit, I miss him too. He was such a nice guy to chat to, and it was awesome to see them two together. Ah relationships are such confusing things. I really want to talk about Amber, but I will spare you :)
Work wise, I am back to doing normal merchandising, which is so awesome! No more boring work and what not...
Other then that, have an awesome week! :)
Today was a public holiday which meant a great day of just relaxing and doing nothing too strenuous. The weather has taken a rather strange turn as of late. It's like we were in Summer (early Autumn here is still very warm) but then overnight the weather just changed and it's so chilly now! So staying in bed late was by far the most awesome thing to do. I haven't been out with my close cousins for a family lunch for AGES! Like I mean I see them often, but back in the day, me and my cousins Claudia, Gabriela and Andrea used to go out for lunch with my parents all the time. Then we all grew up a bit (Well me and Claudia, because we are the same age) and it wasn't as frequent a gathering. Anyways, We sat there and chatted lots about random stuff. I must admit, I love my family to bits. I truly have an amazing collection of people to share my life with! Me and my cousin Claudia chatted about her ex, Lorenzo, and my confusing interest, Amber. Her and Lorenzo were really such an awesome couple. I still don't really know what happened to them (they broke up two years ago) and she was telling me how she misses him so much. I must admit, I miss him too. He was such a nice guy to chat to, and it was awesome to see them two together. Ah relationships are such confusing things. I really want to talk about Amber, but I will spare you :)
Work wise, I am back to doing normal merchandising, which is so awesome! No more boring work and what not...
Other then that, have an awesome week! :)
Thursday, April 22, 2010
I'm Just Another Stickman
It's 01:17 AM here. Why am I still awake? Oh wait... I don't have work tomorrow! I have the day off :D
I bet we can all remember that promotional work I always whined about, well I am glad to say that this was the last of the 8 weeks, and its over! As of next week I will hopefully be getting back to normal work that is much more enjoyable and interactive. Still curious to see how my company is going to change over the next few weeks. Certain employees are only there for a few months, so who will replace them when their time is up? At least its not something for me to worry about.
I went to Ambers house today to help her mom sort out some computer related issues. Amber didn't bother coming to say hello to me until she needed to get something from the kitchen (which is through the dining room, where I was just chatting to her parents) I proceeded to the study which is next to her room, and I started to work on her moms laptop. Amber walked past the room without so much as a glance and went straight into her room. I knew she was doing college work but I was a tad offended that she couldn't give me one second of her time to chat or anything. Anyways I got over that shortly. I did what needed to be done.
I then needed to set up something on Amber's pc so I went into her room and asked her if I could do it quickly. She agreed and stood up. While I was working on her pc she scruffed my hair and put her arm around me. I ended up running back on forth from her room, to the study, to the lounge (where another pc was) but eventually I was done and sat in Ambers room, watching the end of an episode of series that she was watching. Depending on how the evening went, I was going to see if I could maybe spend some time with her. Not even a few minutes after sitting in her room, her best friend Robyn arrived (also known as Robs). I knew that was my time to leave, plus her mom was serving dinner soon, and I told my mom I would probably be home for dinner. It actually makes me laugh how Robs always says she is scared she will feel like a third wheel around me and Amber, when in actual fact I become the third wheel and they giggle and talk about girly stuff. So I really wasn't keen for that :P
I left them in her room, and went to say goodbye to Ambers parents. Her mom asked me how I was and how work and everything was. I gave the normal answers before she surveyed me and asked "So the only way we are going to see you is if I ask you to come and help me out with something?" I couldn't help but nod my head and say, "It seems that way..." in all honesty it does. Amber only really seems to invite me over when she needs something done, wants something, or is bored and has nothing better to do. Seeing as she has college she doesn't really not have anything to do, and seeing as she hasn't wanted anything for a while, I haven't really been to her place much. Even if she doesn't mean it to seem that way, it really does feel like it. On the odd occasion I know she will invite me over because she really does miss me, but that hasn't happened in a good few weeks. It kind of bummed me out that Robs got to come over because she got an invite or something, I was just there because her mom needed something done. She truly is a confusing female :P haha
When I got home I decided to utilize my incredible paint skills and whipped up a new stickman image for my facebook profile picture. I will put it up for your pleasure :P
I must apologise if all my latest posts seem to be whining, moaning ones. Been going through some strange stuff emotionally lately :) so I just like to get it off my chest.
Until next time, have a great Friday!
I bet we can all remember that promotional work I always whined about, well I am glad to say that this was the last of the 8 weeks, and its over! As of next week I will hopefully be getting back to normal work that is much more enjoyable and interactive. Still curious to see how my company is going to change over the next few weeks. Certain employees are only there for a few months, so who will replace them when their time is up? At least its not something for me to worry about.
I went to Ambers house today to help her mom sort out some computer related issues. Amber didn't bother coming to say hello to me until she needed to get something from the kitchen (which is through the dining room, where I was just chatting to her parents) I proceeded to the study which is next to her room, and I started to work on her moms laptop. Amber walked past the room without so much as a glance and went straight into her room. I knew she was doing college work but I was a tad offended that she couldn't give me one second of her time to chat or anything. Anyways I got over that shortly. I did what needed to be done.
I then needed to set up something on Amber's pc so I went into her room and asked her if I could do it quickly. She agreed and stood up. While I was working on her pc she scruffed my hair and put her arm around me. I ended up running back on forth from her room, to the study, to the lounge (where another pc was) but eventually I was done and sat in Ambers room, watching the end of an episode of series that she was watching. Depending on how the evening went, I was going to see if I could maybe spend some time with her. Not even a few minutes after sitting in her room, her best friend Robyn arrived (also known as Robs). I knew that was my time to leave, plus her mom was serving dinner soon, and I told my mom I would probably be home for dinner. It actually makes me laugh how Robs always says she is scared she will feel like a third wheel around me and Amber, when in actual fact I become the third wheel and they giggle and talk about girly stuff. So I really wasn't keen for that :P
I left them in her room, and went to say goodbye to Ambers parents. Her mom asked me how I was and how work and everything was. I gave the normal answers before she surveyed me and asked "So the only way we are going to see you is if I ask you to come and help me out with something?" I couldn't help but nod my head and say, "It seems that way..." in all honesty it does. Amber only really seems to invite me over when she needs something done, wants something, or is bored and has nothing better to do. Seeing as she has college she doesn't really not have anything to do, and seeing as she hasn't wanted anything for a while, I haven't really been to her place much. Even if she doesn't mean it to seem that way, it really does feel like it. On the odd occasion I know she will invite me over because she really does miss me, but that hasn't happened in a good few weeks. It kind of bummed me out that Robs got to come over because she got an invite or something, I was just there because her mom needed something done. She truly is a confusing female :P haha
When I got home I decided to utilize my incredible paint skills and whipped up a new stickman image for my facebook profile picture. I will put it up for your pleasure :P
I must apologise if all my latest posts seem to be whining, moaning ones. Been going through some strange stuff emotionally lately :) so I just like to get it off my chest.
Until next time, have a great Friday!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Publicly Exposed
FINALLY! It's just you and me now blog. I finally have the chance to sit down and dictate to you what happened over this weekend.
As we all know (I think I have mentioned before) my friend Gruff goes to a design college. The other day he got given quite a big assignment. He had to do twenty model sketches of somebody standing in various different poses. Obviously, getting somebody to pose or "model" for you can be quite difficult, so I can only imagine people from his college sketching people straight out of magazines or something like that. Gruff, knowing I am willing to help him out with pretty much anything, asked me if I would mind posing for him. The thought of standing in twenty poses didn't really sound super appealing, but I would do that kind of thing for Gruff anyway. Initially we planned for me to arrive at his house the one afternoon before the braai happened. (the braai I spoke about last week, where everybody was having super savvy conversations and I was all confused.) I ended up getting there a little bit late, and Gruff suggested that maybe we do it on another day when there is lots more time. Getting twenty sketches done wasn't going to take something like an hour, it would take several. So we ended up just hanging out in his room, waiting for people to arrive for the braai, when a ton of bricks fell into my stomach.
"Maybe I should tell Amber to come sketch you too." He said casually, before sending her a message over facebook. I groaned out, thinking about how random that was going to be. I am by know means super self conscience about the way I look (maybe a little, but who isn't?) but standing and posing in front of my ex for a good few hours, having her analyze me (whether for her sketches or her own intent) really didn't sound that great to me. I dreaded the coming of friday.
So Friday came, and I headed over to Gruffs house. I got there before Amber, but when she got there it was like a bucket of ice had been poured down my throat. They sat down in the lounge, and I stood in front of them, waiting for them to tell me what to do. I was dressed in Jeans and a shirt, because I just assumed that would be ok. They told me to stand normally for the first pose. My friend Gruff loves teasing me, and generally I do not mind. When Amber is sitting there though and laughing at me along with him, well that wasn't the greatest. My next hurdle was about to smack me in the face though.
"I can't see your skeletal structure." Gruff said sounding disgruntled. I was already defiant in my head, insisting that I would not be taking any clothes off. I told him no. He let it go and we proceeded to the second pose. It got even more annoying. Their consistent whining and groaning grated me a lot, but I kept quiet, although I must admit, I honestly kept thinking about getting up and walking out upon the next negative comment. Eventually I really could not take it anymore, I would just have to swallow whatever it was that was making me so sour, and do what I could to help my friends do super sketches for great marks at their college.
"I'll take my shirt off," I said. "On condition that you keep your comments to yourself." They both agreed, but I knew it wouldn't last forever. I took my shirt off and proceeded to pose in whichever way they told me next. My face burnt a little. Even though I wasn't looking directly at any of them, staring dead ahead trying my best not to move, I could see Amber looking up and down from me to her page, sketching me and detailing me as she saw. I know it sounds lame, but I really did feel a bit self conscious, thinking about the bazillion imperfections she is going to be seeing and drawing, and possibly making a mental note of. I kept thinking about how being topless isn't like being naked or anything, I mean come on I have swam in front of her and what not, but I have never had to stand still and let her analyze me. It wasn't long before the next comment came.
"We can't see your leg muscles. Take your pants off." She said with a giggle. I said a flat no, and let them carry on drawing. They eventually suggested shorts, and I again said no. The same little voice popped into my head again though, telling me to swallow whatever it was holding me back, and help them out. I asked Gruff for a pair of shorts, and went to the bathroom to get changed. I went back out trying to feel super confident, but their gazes felt like lasers burning into my skin. Ambers more intent then Gruffs. I know this was all in my head, but a guy can be self conscious can't he?
I can also quickly add here that my muscles were getting very sore. Each pose took around 15-20 minutes for them to do. Stand still in any position for long enough and one or other muscle is going to hurt :|
They did about nine drawings before time was up. We would need another day to finish up. We organised to do it on Sunday. There was also going to be another guy from their college their to utilize me too. Great, me posing in front of a complete stranger.
Saturday came and went, too lazy to tell you what happened there :) and then Sunday.
It wasn't as bad as Friday I guess. I was in a much better mood, and I got on with it. Plus they had enlisted the help of our friend Herman to do some poses though which was a major relief! We took turns doing some poses, but Herman had to leave earlier to be at church, so I was left doing the last few again. The odd comment from them teasing me wasn't really helpful, I dealt with it. I couldn't help but smile though when Gruff laughed and was like, "Fig you have the roundest bum ever." Amber then said straight after, "He has a really nice bum." Haha :) I know that was random, but I really honestly couldn't help but smile at that.
Amber has no idea how tough it is being around her. I constantly glance at her and admire how gorgeous she is. She never seems to catch me doing it though (thank God) all I want to do is be alone with her and just stare into her eyes and hold her. Instead though I had to stand still, not look at her in her eyes, and let her stare at me. Eventually when they were done (by the late afternoon) I was totally exhausted. Sure I understand drawing isn't a quick or easy process, but standing in bizarre poses for extended periods can actually have an effect on muscles.
After we were done I was going to leave to get food and go home, but I somehow ended up agreeing to go and buy food for everybody. Amber willingly decided to come with me. For some reason I instantly hit depressed mood as we got into the car. Amber amazed me and annoyed me at the same time. She annoyed me when she picked on how I was being all sad, but then she surprised me by telling me to cheer up and smile, because as soon as I saw her smiling at me, I couldn't help but smile back. I really don't understand the way she makes me feel. It's unexplainable on so many levels. Needless to say when we got back I seemed way better.
I got home and was doing random things before I noticed that Amber was chatting to me over facebook chat. We just spoke random stuff, most of which I won't go into detail with, but then before I knew it I mentioned to her how I thought she was analyzing me while she was drawing me, and how it was difficult for me. She simply made me smile again, by saying a few things. She also mentioned that she got to stare at me all day without my shirt on, and she quite enjoyed it. Sure it made me feel a bit like an object, but I was just posing there after all, what else was I to say? Hearing her say that she liked the way I looked meant a hell of a lot to me. Most confusing female ever!
So thats pretty much my weekend in a nutshell (even though it was a bit of a long entry. Oh well.) This week I also started my third book :x I don't know whats wrong with me! I am supposed to focus on my first two but I really couldn't help it. At least this third one WILL REQUIRE me to write at least a few times a week. I'll let you know whats happened as soon as I do :)
Later!
As we all know (I think I have mentioned before) my friend Gruff goes to a design college. The other day he got given quite a big assignment. He had to do twenty model sketches of somebody standing in various different poses. Obviously, getting somebody to pose or "model" for you can be quite difficult, so I can only imagine people from his college sketching people straight out of magazines or something like that. Gruff, knowing I am willing to help him out with pretty much anything, asked me if I would mind posing for him. The thought of standing in twenty poses didn't really sound super appealing, but I would do that kind of thing for Gruff anyway. Initially we planned for me to arrive at his house the one afternoon before the braai happened. (the braai I spoke about last week, where everybody was having super savvy conversations and I was all confused.) I ended up getting there a little bit late, and Gruff suggested that maybe we do it on another day when there is lots more time. Getting twenty sketches done wasn't going to take something like an hour, it would take several. So we ended up just hanging out in his room, waiting for people to arrive for the braai, when a ton of bricks fell into my stomach.
"Maybe I should tell Amber to come sketch you too." He said casually, before sending her a message over facebook. I groaned out, thinking about how random that was going to be. I am by know means super self conscience about the way I look (maybe a little, but who isn't?) but standing and posing in front of my ex for a good few hours, having her analyze me (whether for her sketches or her own intent) really didn't sound that great to me. I dreaded the coming of friday.
So Friday came, and I headed over to Gruffs house. I got there before Amber, but when she got there it was like a bucket of ice had been poured down my throat. They sat down in the lounge, and I stood in front of them, waiting for them to tell me what to do. I was dressed in Jeans and a shirt, because I just assumed that would be ok. They told me to stand normally for the first pose. My friend Gruff loves teasing me, and generally I do not mind. When Amber is sitting there though and laughing at me along with him, well that wasn't the greatest. My next hurdle was about to smack me in the face though.
"I can't see your skeletal structure." Gruff said sounding disgruntled. I was already defiant in my head, insisting that I would not be taking any clothes off. I told him no. He let it go and we proceeded to the second pose. It got even more annoying. Their consistent whining and groaning grated me a lot, but I kept quiet, although I must admit, I honestly kept thinking about getting up and walking out upon the next negative comment. Eventually I really could not take it anymore, I would just have to swallow whatever it was that was making me so sour, and do what I could to help my friends do super sketches for great marks at their college.
"I'll take my shirt off," I said. "On condition that you keep your comments to yourself." They both agreed, but I knew it wouldn't last forever. I took my shirt off and proceeded to pose in whichever way they told me next. My face burnt a little. Even though I wasn't looking directly at any of them, staring dead ahead trying my best not to move, I could see Amber looking up and down from me to her page, sketching me and detailing me as she saw. I know it sounds lame, but I really did feel a bit self conscious, thinking about the bazillion imperfections she is going to be seeing and drawing, and possibly making a mental note of. I kept thinking about how being topless isn't like being naked or anything, I mean come on I have swam in front of her and what not, but I have never had to stand still and let her analyze me. It wasn't long before the next comment came.
"We can't see your leg muscles. Take your pants off." She said with a giggle. I said a flat no, and let them carry on drawing. They eventually suggested shorts, and I again said no. The same little voice popped into my head again though, telling me to swallow whatever it was holding me back, and help them out. I asked Gruff for a pair of shorts, and went to the bathroom to get changed. I went back out trying to feel super confident, but their gazes felt like lasers burning into my skin. Ambers more intent then Gruffs. I know this was all in my head, but a guy can be self conscious can't he?
I can also quickly add here that my muscles were getting very sore. Each pose took around 15-20 minutes for them to do. Stand still in any position for long enough and one or other muscle is going to hurt :|
They did about nine drawings before time was up. We would need another day to finish up. We organised to do it on Sunday. There was also going to be another guy from their college their to utilize me too. Great, me posing in front of a complete stranger.
Saturday came and went, too lazy to tell you what happened there :) and then Sunday.
It wasn't as bad as Friday I guess. I was in a much better mood, and I got on with it. Plus they had enlisted the help of our friend Herman to do some poses though which was a major relief! We took turns doing some poses, but Herman had to leave earlier to be at church, so I was left doing the last few again. The odd comment from them teasing me wasn't really helpful, I dealt with it. I couldn't help but smile though when Gruff laughed and was like, "Fig you have the roundest bum ever." Amber then said straight after, "He has a really nice bum." Haha :) I know that was random, but I really honestly couldn't help but smile at that.
Amber has no idea how tough it is being around her. I constantly glance at her and admire how gorgeous she is. She never seems to catch me doing it though (thank God) all I want to do is be alone with her and just stare into her eyes and hold her. Instead though I had to stand still, not look at her in her eyes, and let her stare at me. Eventually when they were done (by the late afternoon) I was totally exhausted. Sure I understand drawing isn't a quick or easy process, but standing in bizarre poses for extended periods can actually have an effect on muscles.
After we were done I was going to leave to get food and go home, but I somehow ended up agreeing to go and buy food for everybody. Amber willingly decided to come with me. For some reason I instantly hit depressed mood as we got into the car. Amber amazed me and annoyed me at the same time. She annoyed me when she picked on how I was being all sad, but then she surprised me by telling me to cheer up and smile, because as soon as I saw her smiling at me, I couldn't help but smile back. I really don't understand the way she makes me feel. It's unexplainable on so many levels. Needless to say when we got back I seemed way better.
I got home and was doing random things before I noticed that Amber was chatting to me over facebook chat. We just spoke random stuff, most of which I won't go into detail with, but then before I knew it I mentioned to her how I thought she was analyzing me while she was drawing me, and how it was difficult for me. She simply made me smile again, by saying a few things. She also mentioned that she got to stare at me all day without my shirt on, and she quite enjoyed it. Sure it made me feel a bit like an object, but I was just posing there after all, what else was I to say? Hearing her say that she liked the way I looked meant a hell of a lot to me. Most confusing female ever!
So thats pretty much my weekend in a nutshell (even though it was a bit of a long entry. Oh well.) This week I also started my third book :x I don't know whats wrong with me! I am supposed to focus on my first two but I really couldn't help it. At least this third one WILL REQUIRE me to write at least a few times a week. I'll let you know whats happened as soon as I do :)
Later!
Monday, April 19, 2010
I Got Devoured
Ah dammit!
I had this window open the WHOLE evening so I could blog. Then I logged onto steam and ended up playing HoN all evening (Multiplayer internet game) with friends. So much for that :P Had an interesting weekend which I will probably share with you tomorrow then.
I can quickly say though, although I have barely started writing two books, for some reason I started a third today O_O I don't know whats wrong with me. Anyways until tomorrow!
*nom nom nom*
I had this window open the WHOLE evening so I could blog. Then I logged onto steam and ended up playing HoN all evening (Multiplayer internet game) with friends. So much for that :P Had an interesting weekend which I will probably share with you tomorrow then.
I can quickly say though, although I have barely started writing two books, for some reason I started a third today O_O I don't know whats wrong with me. Anyways until tomorrow!
*nom nom nom*
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About Me
- HairyKnees
- South Africa
- BA English and Communication graduate. I like to write stuff!