Quite a Series of Events

I won't lie, I really don't think there will be much point to this post. I just really feel like writing, even though i may not have anything specific to write about. My cat is currently snoozing on my lap, dreaming some kitty dreams... or at least she was until I started being noisy on the keyboard :) 

So I had my performance apparaisal the other week. It actually went much better then i could ever have expected. I got 95%, and i got promoted to account manager! On top of all this I asked if I could do the articles for the upcoming website, and they agreed. Although, the website idea kind of got put on hold,  its up to me and a work colleage to look at getting it up and running. So i've been given a lot my responsibility compared to what i used to have. I must admit Im rather excited for it (excited for work... who does that? :P). I will be getting a raise which is awesome! I think its about time I stop waiting, and i get around to looking for my own car.

I started watching a new series this week in my moments of boredom - which may I add I have not been for a very long time! Californication is my latest choice of show. I must admit I really didn't know what to expect. I had heard previously heard a radio jockey talking about it every week, and he even had the one song from it as his background music. I was a little taken a back at first, the first episode mostly used sex inbetween each scene. Something not really normal for a series (unless its a porno series or something :P). The story seemed to have something deeper going on though, and Im glad i made it through the first episode. As the series goes on there seems to be less visual sex and more focus on the lives of the characters at hand (Although Im sure the director used sex to get some sorts of poinrs across). I am actually enjoying the story about the main character Hank. He has written several books - one of which seemed to have been a huge success, and which was turned into a movie. That was in the past though and Hank is now a washed up writer. The series follows his antics about five years after his hit book. We see how he interracts with his daughter and her mother (which he was never married to... but he still loves her immensely). Anyways there are lots of details which I don't really want to bore you with - all in all its just really cool to see how Hank is still madly in love with his Ex Lover, and has never given up on the idea of them being together. I'm keen to see how the series progresses :)

I think I am done for now. I must have been noisy because my cat has abandoned my warm lap for her empty basket. I guess I am poor company when I am writing :) lol or something, i don't know. Et tu Cat? hehe...

It is the start of the weekend by my side. There shall be lots happening :O I hope all goes well! This is me finishing this blog.

Performance Appraisal

Another day has come and gone in my life. Its strange to think how time seems to have flown since i have finished my school career. This is already my fourth year out of school! Thinking about my achievements, i have kind of realised that i don't have much to write home about. Sure I'm working, and growing in many ways (I sure  feel more grown up each day compared to the day before) but where is my life going? 

It's difficult to focus on something i want to pursue in my life. One thing sure sticks out though. I have an urge to write, or even to just be creative enough to draw something as simple as a comic. I have little to no artistic talent though (much to my dismay... I sure wish I could be as creative visually as some people are). I am slowly but surely learning to write in new ways each day. I have decided i need to be far more active in this blog - and by that i mean writing about interesting or random things, not just using this as a medium to jot down my emotions or the antics of my life. So hopefully you can expect a little bit more reading in future :)

Tomorrow is my performance appraisal at work. Im actually highly nervous now that it is so near! I really hope that more work is given to me, so that i may grow and move up my little ladder in life. To my knowledge we are going to be having a website up and running in the future, i think i may just ask to be the writer of all the articles. This in essence means i would be writing about all that goes on in my company (Special events, promotions, gatherings, etc). I wrote an introductory article for the webiste a few months ago, and according to one of my collegues it was actually liked by some of the other staff. So heres holding thumbs! Apart from that i hope to get more involved with work and help my company to grow. 

I have certain goals i set at the beginning of this year. One of which is to finish my book. Nearly half the year has passed already and i have barely begun to continue my stories saga! Time is flying by... i need a large sail so i can catch onto it.

Creating a Memory

The Dirty Skirts, Zebra and Giraffe, Cassette, Panic! at the Disco, Snow Patrol and Oasis. All appearing in South Africa's very own CocaCola Zero Fest! I am missing some bands, but the few i mentioned above were the only ones i was actually keen on seeing live. 

Unfortunately this year would be much more different then the previous year. Who could top off a performance given by Muse last year? Not to mention that most of my friends were away for the weekend. Going was just Amber and myself. I was actually really looking forward to it, even though it was just us two, spending the day with her would be great! We also decided to go Golden Circle this year (The most expensive tickets you can get) as we felt that last year not being up close to the stage was a real loss! It was actually worth it, seeing as we got to be so close, had our own seperate "Chill" area, Seperate food vendors, toilets,etc (something that was not available last year to my knowledge)

The day went on rather fast in my opinion. Evening hit us faster then ever. The moon was as beautiful as ever, hanging out in the sky overlooking our event. After Panic! at the Disco we decided to fight our way into the crowd to have a much better view of Snow Patrol and Oasis. At this point my evening really started. So as not to lose each other and the crowd we held each others hand and fought our way through. Bar the random drunk people stumbling around and annoying people who tend to shove rudely, we found a decent spot. I had a feeling I hadn't really felt in a while (not this intensely). I felt like Ambers boyfriend again. I was standing behind her, holding her hands. I was kinda nervous with Snow patrol coming on soon. We both really love Snow Patrol, and everybody knows they have music that can stir the heart and emotions (well at least in my opinion)

They came on and started performing. In all honesty I really enjoyed them, I think they were great live. I can't for the life of me remember which song had just played, but i know i had Amber leaning against me and a song had just ended. She leant back and looked at me. I knew that look, and i knew how i felt. I leant forward and kissed her gently. It was the best feeling in the world! I felt like her boyfriend again, holding her against me, never wanting this moment to end. Unfortunately it did, and the show went on. Chasing Cars was still to be played, i was looking forward to hearing it. As soon as it did come on something surprising happened. Possibly it was just my imagination, in fact it probably was. As soon as we recognised what song had just started, Amber turned around and hugged me, but maybe she only did that because some guys were pushing through the crowd nearby. I like to think she did it because she wanted to. Towards the end of the song, with the moon high in the sky, the crowds singing along, i kissed her again. I couldn't help it! I will never forget that moment, never in my life. Just those few seconds, the way i felt, the high i was on... It will never leave me. Snow Patrol, you guys gave such a great performance, and i will never forget it.

Oasis were up next and the Golden Circle area seemed to just get fuller and fuller. They too gave a great performance, performing longer then anybody else. By the end of their set, i was totally exhausted. We fought the crowds to get to the parking area, which was so full that we couldn't exactly remember where we parked the car :O After much searching, and some annoying moments (i was tired, i get annoyed easily when tired) we found the car, and made our way home.

It really was a Good Friday :P i enjoyed the company i had the most. Too bad it was just a one day thing. Everything seems to have gone back to normal. Im really bad at controlling my emotions sometimes. I just can't comprehend how such an awesome night can happen and she can go back to normal, not having such high feelings for me as much as I have for her. I know she loves me, but I just really wished she loved me as much as i love her. Perhaps it will happen one day, but who knows. Until then i can do nothing but continue loving her, its the easiest thing in the world to feel something for her, she is amazing!!! I wish she knew it, but she will continue to deny it. Only time will tell what will happen to us two. 

Im far too lazy to read over and check my grammar and spelling. If you do by any chance read this, thank you for reading everything else above :) Happy Easter!

Am I Dreaming?

Dreams are the most peculiar things ever. I find it weird how your mind can work overtime to paint a picture of whats happening (Or not happening :P) in your head. People often quiz over whether dreams have meaning or if they are just a ramble of your minds thoughts being played out. I personally think that dreams can have meaning. In the bible God did give certain people dreams, which they understood. Surely he can do the same today?

We have all had those Deja Vu moments. Where you honestly feel like whatever moment you are in has happened before. Ever thought that maybe you have dreamed it before? We cant remember half of what we dream, and often what we do remember is so random and does not make sense. Possible those Deja Vu moments are things we have dreamed before? I don't know, but i could swear i have dreamt certain of my Deja Vu moments ages before it actually happened.

As of late i have found dreams to be really annoying. Nearly every night i have been dreaming about my Ex girlfriend (Who im clearly not over...). I haven't been dreaming anything dodgy, but nearly every night i just dream about her. In my dream last night it was weird. I dreamt that we were driving (me, her and some other faceless people). I was a passenger in front, a faceless person was driving (which i think might have been my best friend) and she was in the back seat. We were on our way to drop her off at home. Upon arrival at her house she leant forward and hugged me from behind. She whispered in my ear "I love you, I always will." before kissing me on the cheek. She then whispered something else which made me happy but i cant remember what it was exactly. She got out the car. The dream didn't end there though, but from what i could feel, it felt like she loved me, but she didn't want anybody else to know it... like it was a secret. Let me just add quick that i dreamt a hell of a lot last night. Most of it i cannot remember, but i remember nearly everything that had her in it. I won't go into details with my other dreams, The one i shared above meant the most to me.

The point im trying to make, is that are these just my thoughts? Do i keep wishing for her to get back together with me and tell me she loves me? Even if it is secretive and she doesn't want anybody else to know? Or are these things that WILL actually take place, or happen similarly. I don't know... i just find it so weird (and depressing, maybe annoying) that i dreamt of her every  night. Im trying to get over her and my dreams are clearly not helping. Its the worse feeling ever to wake up and realise it was all a dream. 

We all make mistakes

We all do stupid things throughout our lives, but then again, we also do some REALLY stupid things throughout our lives. Its a funny thing how you can spend so much time at work doing everything to the best of your ability, trying your best to excel so you can move up. All only to accidentally sms your boss telling her she is crazy.

Yes you read correctly. I accidentally sent my boss a message saying that she is crazy (it obviously wasn't meant for her - but then again, i was not implying it in that way). 

She was on her way out to a meeting, quite frantically i might add. However i NEEDED to ask her something urgently. So i asked her and she seemed agitated (understandably). She answered me - and i realised that i needed to know another detail so i quickly asked her a second question. That was it, she got very agitated and walked to her desk to check for me on her laptop. The question i asked might i add didnt require her to go check it up, and even if it did she could have merely stated that it would have to wait and i would have understood. She checked for me - Still constantly throwing it my face that she had a meeting to be at. I was quite taken aback, because i really did not mean to inconvenience her in anyway, but she really took it upon herself to make it a huge inconvenience. Upon showing me what i needed to know she asked me "Can i go now?" which made me just a little annoyed because i didn't ask her to stay to do me that small favour. She is my boss, if she wanted to leave she could have just left.

Anyways moving along from that she left, and i proceeded to type an Sms "_Boss' name_ is a bit crazy atm. Geez... lol". Being caught up in the moment as i was, i accidentally sent it to *drum roll* my boss. I got a phone call from her a few minutes later asking why do i think she is crazy? Who was the message for? Disrespectful, etc etc etc.... Oh and then she hung up on me :) *sigh* now if we could pause for a second and analyze what i meant that maybe we could all calm down a little. I did NOT mean crazy as in mental, psycho, etc. Everybody has their off day, or off moment and i understand that. I was merely saying "crazy" as in frantic, rushed, etc. Like you might say to somebody "Oh ya things at the office are a bit crazy at the moment" Or "My boss is a bit crazy at the moment". 

So yeah... Im in the dog box. I really am not that kind of person, im not one to get into trouble (not much anyways :P) but now my boss thinks that i think she is crazy. She thinks that im disrespectful. There goes my "just over 1 year" clean slate. I hope she understands that it was a big misunderstanding, because it really was not meant like that. Goodbye raise i was hoping for sometime this year :P lol

Team Fortress 2 Article!

Hello everybody :) (all like 3 of you :P hehe) i was recently asked to do an article for www.botc.co.za. Basically they are responsible for many of the online gaming competitions that run here in South Africa. At the momet there is a Team Fortress 2 Competition running and they asked if i could just write an article based on my experiences in TF2. This is what i had to say :)

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The team crowds around the door, anxiously waiting for it to open. The Engineers are frantically setting up a quick defense to stop any enemies from encroaching on the spawn area. The Medics are busy healing up their Heavy's or Soldiers, charging their uber charge. "Mission begins in ten seconds" the announcer states clearly. 5-4-3-2-1!!! "WOOHOO!!!" yells the scouts as they sprint ahead of the others, to reach the first control point. The spies put their disuises on and cloak, ready to infiltrate the enemies base. Pyro's, Medics, Soldiers, Heavy's, Demomen, Engeneers, and Snipers follow closely behind. This is a battle to win. This is Team Fortress 2!

Their are several gameplay modes in Team Fortress 2. All of that aside though the main emphasis is to play as a team. There is no way you can be successful alone in this game. Sure you may be skilled enough to kill many enemies in one life, but that sure won't help you win the round. The fact that there are 9 classes to choose from also adds huge variety to the game. With many endless combinations a team can have, having the right balance is easy enough to work on, but insanely difficult to master.

Recently The first ever TF2 Botc was launched. It is excting for this community as it is a chance to see who deserves top honours, and it will also allow the game to grow in this country. The are many other competetive games out there (Call of Duty and Counter Strike being examples) but nobody can deny that Team Fortress is unique in so many ways. In a TF2 competition, every team has six players. With 9 classes to choose from its crucial to know what players in your team excel at what class. Certain combinatons of classes work better on certain maps then others. A good team will always excel if obviously, they know how to play as a team. Going Commando (urm... Rambo) in this game can only get you so far. 

I will never forget playing Team Fortress for the first time, me being a Counter Strke player at the time. On a Counter Strike FFS server you can generally do your own thing if you wish. So i was quite surprised to find myself not doing that great on my first play of TF2. All these classes, so many players, where do i go? How do i win? It came with a few rounds of play, learning which classes are best to use in certain situations or scenarios. After getting the basics, you realise just how fun it can be. Communicating with your team, Frantically running around that control point to cap it while you wait for reinforcements. Getting that teleporter up so that your team can move up faster to the "Mini base" you have built consisting of a sentry gun and dispenser. Healing as many people as you can as a Medic, building up so you can deploy that Ubercharge. Flanking the enemy team as a pyro so you can cause confusion and take some out enemies while you are at it. Every role you play in TF2 has its purpose. Depending on how well you do your job can ensure whether your team gets to hear that crazy announcer lady say "SUCCESS!!!" or have her disapprovingly say "YOU FAIL"

For those of you who do not have TF2, consider getting it. It takes some getting used to, but its great fun to play casually with other players, or seriously with a team. For those that do have it, but you missed the chance to enter BOTC, watch how the other teams progress, and learn from them. You could be part of the Team Fortress BOTC version 2 in the future :)

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I dont know if they will be happy with it :) but will see!!! I dont even know if im happy with it :P oh well :)

The Scientist

Coldplay
The Scientist
==============================
Come up to meet you, 
Tell you I'm sorry, 
You don't know how lovely you are.

I had to find you, 
Tell you I need you, 
Tell you I set you apart.

Tell me your secrets, 
And ask me your questions, 
Oh let's go back to the start.

Runnin' in circles, 
Comin' in tails, 
Heads on a science apart.

Nobody said it was easy, 
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy, 
No one ever said it would be this hard.
Oh take me back to the start.

I was just guessin', 
At numbers and figures, 
Pullin' the puzzles apart.

Questions of science, 
Science and progress, 
Do not speak as loud as my heart.

Tell me you love me, 
Come back and haunt me, 
Oh, what a rush to the start.

Runnin' in circles, 
Chasin' tails, 
Comin' back as we are.

Nobody said it was easy, 
Oh it's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy, 
No one ever said it would be so hard.
I'm goin' back to the start.

==============================

here i am again :) i might be a bit of a blog addict. I'm sure as time goes by though i will have less to write about though. I just wanted to put these lyrics up because they were responsible for me feeling all the sad. Just felt like this lyrics were speaking my feelings so clearly, crystal clear! I have always liked this song, but i hadn't heard it for ages. It started to play on the radio the other day, and i was on my way to work. I had to fight so hard to fight back the tears! Its incredible how music can make your emotions change in a flash. Its a beautiful song, i really love it.

"Come up to meet you, 
Tell you I'm sorry, 
You don't know how lovely you are."

the opening verse really hit my heart hard. Bleh i dont know what i would type out now, :P i just sound like an emo in all my blogs but im really not >_<>

"Nobody said it was easy, 
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy, 
No one ever said it would be this hard."

Having to be away from her is the hardest thing in the world, how can i smile when im not with her? I wish things could be alright between us, and we could just be happy. Nobody said it was easy, but nobody sure as hell mentioned it would be this hard :O!

Anyways :) here i am blogging when i have other things to do. Have a good weekend :) whoever you are