Exams are starting in less than two weeks, and I haven't started stressing just yet. That time will come and I will cram like there is no tomorrow. I always work better under some pressure for some reason.
I've been doing more thinking than normal lately. This I suspect, may be attributed to the fact that I have started reading again. Why did I ever stop? It makes me ponder, and I don't think I do nearly enough of that. I seem to just pass through life passively, barely stopping to contemplate matters of interest or significance. Not that I am now, but I seem to be paying more attention than normal. I sometimes wonder if I am normal. I have a shocking memory, and I forget stuff way to easily. I'm trying to really make an effort here for a change. Some work is slowly dribbling in, and It involved writing which makes me happy :)
Speaking of which, I've started thinking about my books again. A story that has been on my mind for years now, and it seems to be constantly evolving/changing. I've been stuck trying to figure out just how to write it. I have the Game of Thrones series to thank for this. It led me to getting the books, and quite frankly, the multi character story telling perspective is just downright awesome! It makes sense, and I think thats the type of story telling style I may just use.
My dreams? They still occur on the odd evening, and it seems that I will not get rid of them anytime soon. My heart still beats the same old beat, and it hasn't altered its tune. The consistent beat thats existed for the past few years now... it seems to slow down every now and then, but it always picks up exactly where I left off if I let my guard down.
My dad has lung cancer. Not too sure how serious it is (whether it requires chemo or an operation) but some upcoming tests will tell. He won't quit smoking, and has resorted to smoking behind our backs like a rebellious teenager. Its frustrating to say the least. The stubborn gene shines strong, and I can see where I get it from. An anger boils inside of me every time he argues with my mom and sister about his silly habit. The day will come when I resort to lighting up and blackmailing him. I stop when he does. His dad died at the age of 68. My dad is 66 now, and the thought of him dying around the same age freaks the hell out of me. He has always been strong, always. Why does he choose now to be weak, when he needs to be stronger and fight his addiction?
Being pulled over today and receiving a fine for not stopping to a halt at stop street resulted in my sister (who was with me) commenting, "I can't believe how you keep so calm and patient. I would be moaning at the cop!" I told her I am too patient, and I have bucket loads of it. I don't know where I get it from. I always thought it was a good thing, and I still do to a certain extent. Is it really though? Is it good to try and please the world? The world is a selfish place. Very few people seem to have the sentiment of putting others before themselves.
I have the most amazing sister in the world, I can't begin to describe how much she means to me, yet I don't have the words to put down here, or even the words to say to her face.
I miss my brother. His wedding was over a year ago already, and it still feels odd not having him at home. The bond we have is something I am so grateful for.
My mother is struggling with stress. All I can do is absolutely nothing about it. I have all the patience in the world, yet it seems to snap with her. I need to try harder, much much harder, because she does everything for me.
My father needs to be the dad I know him to be, he needs to fight and be strong. I just hope he knows that we are here for him, and we will fight with him.