Wednesday, March 31, 2010

No I Couldn't Care Less About You! :O


Ok there is no point to this post, I just need to have 25 blogs out. So here is a quick random of how I am feeling.

Selfishness irritates the crap out of me, a hell of a lot. As does inconsideration. Two occassions today brought this to my attention how selfish and inconsiderate people can be. What bugs me more is that its two people that are important to me. Oh well I'll deal with it.

My mom can be weird and random sometimes.

Amber can be equally confusing. Yes No Yes No Yes No Nothing Nothing Nothing Yes No Yes No More Nothing Busy Busy bust Unbusy Seek Seek Seek Unavailable Upset Upset! Timing is just annoying I guess, I can never win and then she seems to despise her feelings of me. "Amber Smith I hate the way I feel about ... You." Wonder who that was addressed to >_<

Long weekend coming!

I want to spend time with Amber.

Gloop in the stomach seems to be back O_o

It has nothing to do with nauseousness.


Haha ok I am done, just wanted to see how that would turn out :)

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

I Wonder If You Can Read This


I thought I would sneak this post in quickly. It's aleady so late here and in my head I am fast asleep, and I can barely keep my eyes open. Only reason I am doing this now is because my cousin Jesse is staying with me at the moment, and I don't exactly want knowledge of this blog seeing his eyes or anybody he knows :P it is still, afterall, my own private space to let out what goes on in my head or in my every day life. I don't mind you reading though :) PLEASE CONTINUE TO DO SO! (Just don't link any of my family members or friends to it :P)

So guess what! Today is the 31st, and I still have not been paid by my company. Pay day is on the 25th, so now they are only nearly a week or so late. this happens EVERY month without fail, and it is terribly irritating. At the moment I am feeling nauseous and sick, possibly in a mental state I am willing myself to not go to work? It is very tempting... but I guess I'd feel to guilty if I called in to say I will not be in. Lets just hope I get paid before the start of the long weekend here.

Just so you know, I am forcing myself to not talk about Amber in this post. Not that anything bad or major happened, but I am sure you do not want to read about the girl in my heart ALL the time :P

I heard a strange thing on the radio the other day. "Is reading relevant in today's current generation?" This is the question that the disc jockey was asking to the whole of South Africa. To my surprise, the majority of people calling in or emailing said "no it isn't." I was seriously a bit shocked. I understand that in todays generation we live a fast life style. Every new bit of technology is made so that we can do things in a shorter space of time and have more time in our day (which we smartly utilise by wasting on other technological wonders and social networks.) Is todays generation THAT lazy that they can't pick up a good book and read it? I must admit, I am a very picky reader, but this will never stop me from picking up a good novel and understanding the importance of reading. Reading fuels the human imagination and can give rise to our own awesome ideas. Its no wonder this generation doesn't know how to spell and resorts to "sms" lingo. You hide your inability to correctly spll and send a perfectly grammared sms by shortening words and making it look like sms lingo.

Anyways, rant aside, it got me thinking about my future. I love writing! I may not be a super talented person, or know how to write masterpieces, but the fact of the matter is I love writing and I want to pursue a career of writing in one form or another. Where will I end up in a decade or so from now if the worlds reading capacity is decreasing an insane rate?

The truth of the matter is, I don't really give a damn. I only have a few people that follow this blog, or read it. I don't only keep this blog to document my life, or just say whats on my heart, but I also keep it so that I have reason to write and a platform to make sure I am constantly practicing. I enjoy it for some odd reason, so I will utilise it and galavant into my methaphorical sunset! *Cue horse neighing noises and galloping hooves* I WILL WRITE! :)

I will be writing an article inspired by what I heard on that radio show, when its done I will be sure to put it up here. If I do not get around to blogging tomorrow (the last day of March, and I am still one blog short of my goal of 25 blogs within 3 months) I wish you the most awesome Easter and whatnot!

Friday, March 26, 2010

Even Dogs Dream Big!


This year is honestly scaring me. With each time I blink a month seems to vanish. Can you believe that its nearly the end of March??? A quarter of the year gone in a flash of light!

I have kind of realised that my blog must seem pretty dull to the standard human brain. I know a lot of people who hate reading and that kind of thing, I can only imagine what somebody like that must think if they ever for some strange reason stumble across my blog (this in itself is impossible because surely the above mentioned example of a person would not be searching the internet for a random blog to read in the first place :P). I have also taken note of other blogs I have read, and I really like the idea of adding pictures here and there so that the reader can get more of a feeling from the blog. Now I am not saying that I will be adding pictures to every blog, but every now and then I will try add a random one just for the hell of it.

Remember last week I spoke about how Amber and Gruff are so distant lately due to college and what not? Well I am pleased to report that somehow that has changed. On Saturday, Gareth's power at his house cut out for some unknown reason. He had a lot of college work to do and really needed somewhere to work. He ended up coming to my house and doing his work here. Although he spent his whole visit working, I can honestly say that his visit was good for both of us. I really enjoyed the company as I am sure he did too.

Amber on the other hand, I still haven't seen her since last Friday. I sms'd her just to wish her the best for the week and hope she is well and what not. Then the other day she logged onto Mxit (A chat program for mobile phones here in SA) where we spoke briefly and out of nowhere she said goodnight and logged off. This was at 9pm so it was strange that she would be saying goodnight. Anyways I brushed it off and didn't let it bother me. She just sms'd me now saying thanks for all the sms's I left her, before promptly asking me if I had any series or anything that she could get from me (she is now on holiday, so she has a lot of spare time on her hands) its a bit like "Well thanks for suddenly noticing me and asking for stuff" but I really do enjoy doing stuff for her so it doesn't really bother me. I'm curious to see how this weekend will go, if I will actually get to see her.

Tomorrow I am going to my first ever bachelors :D my friend from school, Jeph, is getting married next month. Its so weird to think that he is getting married. He is only a year older then me, so imagining myself getting married next year seems a bit overwhelming. That being said though, I really cannot wait to get married one day!

Hmmmm what else is there. OH picture time! You guys all know how work is kind of (extremely) boring and what not for me. Well check out this exciting photo I took during this week.

See how excited everybody is? See how up and about they are?? You don't? Oh don't worry... neither do I :) I just thought this photo was so funny because there are like 5 people all leaning on a counter. Just goes to show how lazy people are, not standing up straight and all :P

And just because I am currently in a "Talk crap, upload random stuff" mood too. Here is a random of my little Jack Russel I snapped after work one day. He looks like he is gazing longingly into the horizon, and dreaming big :)

All in all, this week seemed to be pretty good! I am still excited, not quite sure for what, but excited nonetheless. I will probably be back on this weekend to say something, but until then, hope you yourself have a great one!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Its CHRISTMAS time! :D

Greetings greetings!

Ok I know I said I would blog about my long weekend today, but I lied (in a way) and I will get around to it eventually. For today though, I am going to tell you what happened yesterday.

Gruff's bro, Jason organsied a braai at their house. Before the braai though, Jason had a prayer meeting planned. Being me, I got to the braai late, but a group of people were still praying. As soon as I put my stuff down and joined the group, my hands started tingling. To me that is like my spider sense, that lets me know that the Holy Spirit is present. I said this out loud, and everybody agreed that I should be prayed for next.

Everybody huddled and started praying for me. There was a lot said, which I won't go into detail with. What stood out for me so far was the two words Niel had to say. I remember the first one, but I couldn't quite remember the second one. The braai went on and I throughly enjoyed it! Although I did leave a little early to get home and catch some extra ZZZZ's :P

Today was the start of another work week, something we all know I don't really look forward to. Something was different today... In my heart I could feel this excitement for my week ahead, and I couldn't for the life of me understand why. It has been with me all day, this excited feeling. So tonight I spoke to Gruff about it, and he told me to sms Niel about the second word/picture he had for me. This was his reply:

"I felt like when you get presents at christmas, even though you dont know what you're getting theres still this feeling of excitement and anticipation. felt God wants you to have that attitude, even though you dont know exactly what he has lined up for you."

At the moment I'm just smiling, a lot! Something is going to happen! I don't know what, but man oh man I am excited for it! As always, I will let you know as events unfold :) until then, FAREWELL! :D

Monday, March 22, 2010

No Sazh! NOOO! :O

Farewell long weekend, you will be sorely missed! This isn't going to be a long entry, more of an intro to tomorrows (If I get around to it) entry about the weekend that just passed. It had its ups and downs, but all in all it was an excellent weekend in my eyes.

I'm still thinking about that ladies smile last week, hoping that it will lead me to having another good week this week. At least it is one day shorter, thats something thats really appreciated. Another thought that makes me smile is the fact that Easter is coming, and with it comes a lot more public holidays. Anything to cut this crappy work period is welcome!

Remember I spoke about me being forgetful and possibly upsetting Amber last Friday, on the day her bro passed away? Well get this, her gran passed away this past Friday too... She left me a message on google talk and all I could reply was that I am sorry. Being lame and not using this brain (the one I apparently have) to think, I never sms'd or called her further to find out how she was. I guess its no surprise then that when I sms'd her last night saying I missed her and loved her, that her reply contained no mutual feelings, just a mere wish of I must sleep tight. Maybe I am over thinking things, or maybe not, but I did say that a period of me and Amber not being close was around the corner (due to past experience) it seems like it is here, and I'm doing nothing to make things better. She does break up from college this Thursday, so I'm curious to see if she would be keen on spending some of that free time with me.

In other news, Final Fantasy 13 is blowing my mind away. I hope one day I will have the capacity to think up such an intricate story like they have. Forget the gameplay, I enjoy Final Fantasies the most because the story always stirs something deep inside of me. That aside, the gameplay is quite fun :P

My bed summons, I shall concede :) goodnight cruel world!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

I Forgot What I Was Going To Call This Post

There are many things I can criticize about myself. We all can, I mean nobody is perfect. I'm sure you can sit and think now about some things you wish you could improve about yourself, or change completely. One thing that annoys me is my memory.

I am so forgetful sometimes that its ridiculous. I must admit I have gotten a bit better at remembering stuff as I have aged (Thank God its not the other way around!) When I was much younger I could forget the most mundane things that should not be forgotten. A simple example, my dad tells me to put the kettle on for him on my way through the kitchen. I leave the room five seconds later, and by the time I have reached the kitchen I have already forgotten.

Amber used to have an older brother. I never got to knew him too well (I met him before I even knew Amber existed) but before I knew it, after having met him two or three times he died in a car accident. Amber was around thirteen when he died, maybe fourteen. Not knowing her at all I can only imagine what it must have been like for her to lose her only and older sibling. I have an older brother and sister, and the thought of losing either of them scares me a hell of a lot. She has had to endure that pain.

Her brother passed away on the 19th of March, 5 years ago (if my math is correct). I know that even though it has been years since it has happened, Amber hates the 19th of March. Being me, I knew that it happened in March, and I remembered that it was the 19th. But still being me, yesterday being the 19th of March, I forgot completely. I saw Amber in the evening at church (A gathering for prayer and worship) and she seemed alright. She had conversations with a few people before making an effort to come and say hello to me. I said hello and without thinking I walked away. Thinking about it now I can only imagine how insensitive I must have come across as to her O_o when the evening ended I was surprised to see that she had left already, I nailed it down to the fact that she probably had lots of college work and wanted to get back home.

Logging onto facebook a bit later I realized it all. "Amber had a typical 19th of March" Realizing what I had done earlier in the evening haunted me. Surely I could have inquired as to how she was doing and how her day had been? But instead, a once in a blue moon thing, I greeted and walked away. I hope she didn't feel hurt or anything by me, because it really wasn't intentional. Just my same old bad memory, letting me down again :)

At least I have the long weekend to waste away, who knows what else will happen.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

The Sea Swallowed Up Two Unique Precious Stones

Thank God the week is over! I have not got any work tomorrow, and Monday is a public holiday, so long weekend here I come!

Something popped into my head today, but first off... MY WEEK! That old lady's smile turned my week upside down in ways thats I cannot understand. This whole week was fantastic in comparison to last. I sold a LOT of stuff this week. On top of that, I made sure to always have a good vibe coming out of me, I took note of all the smiling people around me, and the days just flew by in the blink of an eye. Seriously, this smiling thing is infectious. I haven't seen Amber all week, but it put a smile on my face when her status was Amber: :D *smiling* :D for a second I was like thats so weird, maybe she tracked down my blog :O but I reckon she has just been having a great week :)

So back to the thing I was talking about. It never ceases to amaze me that no matter how much training I have had, no matter how often I have promoted for the same company and know the insides and outs of my product, I will ALWAYS get customers that ask something that I may not be sure of, or ask the most random of questions. How is it possible when all I am selling is a printer? It prints, scans, copies and faxes. Thats the basic. Yet every customer has their own unique situation and they need to know if the printer will fit and support them. This just further proved in my head how unique you and I are. I can buy the same printer as you, and bar the fact that we will both be printing, we will be doing stuff in our own unique way. Maybe I will be printing a hell of a lot of documents, maybe I will just be using it to fax. You on the other hand may be printing out photos of all your family memories. This is a simple comparison, and don't get me wrong I know that some people will use the printer for the exact same thing. But imagine just how much variation and options you get from one printer?

Now lets bring this under the microscope for a second. We all have DNA which makes up and determines how we are, what we look like, etc. I am not going to go into numbers, but the variation and possibilities you get are INSANE. Everybody has been made so unique and they don't even realise it. There is no reason for us to sit and conform to society, because we are our own, we are unique. Thank God for that!

I don't really know if I got across what I wanted to in this blog, but hey it makes sense in my head :)

There is only one thing that has been getting me down so far this week, and mainly today. Amber and Gareth are probably the two closest non family people I have to me. Gareth being my best friend, and Amber being my ex girlfriend/close female friend/unofficial girlfriend (yes I know, it confuses me too :P) they both started going to the same college this year, and it has kept them insanely busy. Considering that I saw Gruff a hell of a lot because he worked for the same company and he had lots more free time to just hang out, and the fact that I used to see Amber during the week AND nearly every day on the weekend, seeing them barely once a week sucks =/ I see Gruff mainly at Youth on Friday nights, and I see Amber mostly on Thursdays evenings because she has Fridays off and spends most of her weekend doing college work. To take not one, but two of the closest people away from me at the same time is really sucky O_O I know its not their fault that they get dished out so much work (no really, its insane I would probably die and drop out!) but man I really miss them a lot! I guess all I can do is be supportive, which I am doing. I cant wait for them to be on holiday, I hope they get some breathing room.

In other news, this should be blog 19 or 20 out of my proposed 100 for the year. I need to have at least 25 by the end of March so I should be alright.

In OTHER news, the Soccer World Cup is nearly here O_O Its so scary to think that a few years ago when it was announced that we would be hosting it, it seemed ages away. But hell, its knocking on South Africa's front door already! I'm so excited :D I have tickets to two games thanks to my older sister. CANT WAIT!!! NGGGGH! *excited face*

I think that is enough of a ramble for today :) Hope you all have a fantastic weekend! (And Friday) :P

Monday, March 15, 2010

Thank God She Wore Her Teeth

Hello Everybody :)

So today so far has been one of the best days I have had in a long time, and I cannot really understand why. The only explanation I can give is something that happened on my way to work, and kept me smiling all day.

Its now common knowledge that at the moment I am absolutely despising work. Just the thought of standing in one more store and promoting during non peak periods is really so annoying. Its so bad though, yesterday, for the first time since I was in maybe High School or Varsity, I REALLY didn't want my Sunday to end, because as soon as my head hit that pillow to sleep, it would mean the start to this dreary week. I am being dead honest. Sure there may be that odd time when there is something I wasn't looking forward to in the upcoming week, but that never had me wishing for Sunday to stay forever.

So I got up this morning with the thought of only having completed two out of eight weeks, not a cheerful thought at all. I got in my car, with the thought of facing traffic. Towards the end of my journey, the strangest thing happened (I seem to be having a lot of strange things happening lately :P) there was bumper to bumper traffic, and I was at an intersection. I wasn't really paying attention but then I looked up at the car in the perpendicular road. There was an old lady driving the car, waiting for all the cars to pass so she could turn. What really caught my attention though, and I still have no idea why, but this little old lady had the biggest smile on her face. By big I mean BIG. I could see all her teeth! she was really smiling widely about who knows what. Without realizing it, within split seconds of seeing her smile, I was smiling too. I carried on driving to the office, having completely forgotten about the work coming up.

My office is currently very busy at the moment. With so much happening, many people seem stressed and not keen on the week either. I couldn't help but think, if only they had seen the same old lady on their drive to work, maybe they would be smiling too. Every time I thought about it, I smiled even wider.

After the office, I went to my first store. I can't even explain the difference between last week and this week. Last week I got to each store and all I could do was think about how crappy it was to be there and do what I had to do. My first two weeks I sold like NOTHING! In my first store today I sold two printers (which granted, isn't much but it still counts to me) and the time literally flew by before I even knew it.

I went to my next store, which was a very quiet and small store during the week, and I really wasn't expecting to sell anything. All throughout though, I kept remembering this old lady, wondering what was making her smile so much, and how her smile had changed my day thus far. The first customer I spoke to in that small store brought a printer. It was the strangest thing, selling nothing in my first two weeks, to selling a few things on my first day this week. Maybe the fact that I was smiling more made customers more interested in buying :P I don't know... or maybe it was the whole attitude change that hit my out of nowhere. I was, and still am smiling.

It makes me wonder though, and its not like this is groundbreaking or anything, but how much of a difference can one smile make? Why are we permanently whining and groaning about everything, when if we change our whole attitude, everything (and no matter how bad it is) seems better? Thank God for that old lady smiling this morning, if it weren't for her I wouldn't be wearing this permanent smile right now.

So this is my message today. Simple, SMILE! :D

Monday, March 8, 2010

Snapping Out of a Daydream

Dear Blog

Today was an extremely weird day, but before that, WEEKEND! So my weekend wasn't that eventful actually. I didn't see friends at all. I spent the whole of Saturday lazying around at home, and then I went to family dinner for supper. It was weird though, I left early, even though I had nowhere else to be. I just wanted to be home alone I guess, have some me time. Its not that I don't get enough of that, I just really wasn't in the mood to be out.

Sunday was also an uneventful day. I had lunch at home with my mom and dad. After that I helped my mom clear off all my random junk off the shelves in my room because they are getting a makeover. I broke my back carrying all the shelves out but it should be all worth the hard work in the end.

Today, Monday, I experienced one of the weirdest things ever. If you don't know by now, I spend all my work time promoting in stores. During the week the stores are extremely dead and it gives me a lot of time to sit and ponder random things in my head. I started focusing on what I was thinking about, even if it was nothing major at all. For some reason I just focused as hard as I could, and then something strange happened. I felt like I was thinking clearly for the first time in ages O_o I didn't know what the hell was happening. Everything felt more real as I focused on what was going on in my head. I did it for a solid 10 minutes. By focusing, I mean REALLY focusing. Forcing all my energy into concentrating and listening to my thoughts in detail. I could almost feel my head starting to develop a headache at the strain so I stopped :P Now here is the weird thing. As soon as I stopped I felt like I was dreaming. It kind of freaked me out a little bit. Everything around me felt surreal and unreal. I almost wanted to go home and sleep so I could wake up and feel alive again. I know you must think that this is totally random, don't worry I think so too :) just thought I'd share the experience.

I feel ok now, but the whole experience kind of made me realize that I spend my time daydreaming through my life. I don't spend enough time thinking about the right things and focusing on my goals. I have two books in progress. What is happening with those? I have a magazine that my friend and I want to start, have I written any articles for that? I don't enjoy my current line of work, what exactly am I doing to get out of it?

I am just 21, but the years are going to fly by and I sure as hell don't want to look back and be like "What a waste, I could have accomplished so much more." I need to wake up and live my life. Maybe when I stop to listen to my own thoughts, I may just hear another voice that I'm praying to hear.

Monday, March 1, 2010

The Sea Of Love


Well that was an interesting intro. Just a quick update as to what happened today. I chatted to my boss about my future at the company, and all looks good so far. I said I just would like to move away from Epson and have some change. She agreed completely, saying there is no problem at all. The only downfall, or annoying thing, is that it can only happen 8 weeks from now. I need to sit through all this promotion work and only once its over can the changes take place. If I had heard this news last week I would have been happy, and looked forward to it. However, after sitting through one day of these promotions and nearly wanting to hang myself with a printer cable due to boredom (Ok not that serious, but it really was boring!) I am most definately not looking forward to the next 8 weeks.

Something is nagging at the back of my heart. I can't quite place it, but it feels like something bad is going to happen. I am pretty sure it is Amber related, I don't know why. I have just noticed a pattern over the last few years about us. Hopefully I am wrong, and I am just being silly, but usually around this time of year things go pear shaped until about May or so. Then things between revert back to good until about July. Then things go bad again until late September/October. I know this may seem completely arb, but it like that nearly exactly over the last two years :O give or take a few days or weeks. Seeing as we are on a high now, and awesome around each other, I can't help but feel that there is something bad waiting on the horizon. I mean, we have been ok since about October. Five months with very bare arguments and no fighting between? Somethings bound to happen soon.... Lets hope I am wrong :)

Hope you all have an excellent week :D I will be back!

About Me

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South Africa
BA English and Communication graduate. I like to write stuff!