Today was an extremely weird day, but before that, WEEKEND! So my weekend wasn't that eventful actually. I didn't see friends at all. I spent the whole of Saturday lazying around at home, and then I went to family dinner for supper. It was weird though, I left early, even though I had nowhere else to be. I just wanted to be home alone I guess, have some me time. Its not that I don't get enough of that, I just really wasn't in the mood to be out.
Sunday was also an uneventful day. I had lunch at home with my mom and dad. After that I helped my mom clear off all my random junk off the shelves in my room because they are getting a makeover. I broke my back carrying all the shelves out but it should be all worth the hard work in the end.
Today, Monday, I experienced one of the weirdest things ever. If you don't know by now, I spend all my work time promoting in stores. During the week the stores are extremely dead and it gives me a lot of time to sit and ponder random things in my head. I started focusing on what I was thinking about, even if it was nothing major at all. For some reason I just focused as hard as I could, and then something strange happened. I felt like I was thinking clearly for the first time in ages O_o I didn't know what the hell was happening. Everything felt more real as I focused on what was going on in my head. I did it for a solid 10 minutes. By focusing, I mean REALLY focusing. Forcing all my energy into concentrating and listening to my thoughts in detail. I could almost feel my head starting to develop a headache at the strain so I stopped :P Now here is the weird thing. As soon as I stopped I felt like I was dreaming. It kind of freaked me out a little bit. Everything around me felt surreal and unreal. I almost wanted to go home and sleep so I could wake up and feel alive again. I know you must think that this is totally random, don't worry I think so too :) just thought I'd share the experience.
I feel ok now, but the whole experience kind of made me realize that I spend my time daydreaming through my life. I don't spend enough time thinking about the right things and focusing on my goals. I have two books in progress. What is happening with those? I have a magazine that my friend and I want to start, have I written any articles for that? I don't enjoy my current line of work, what exactly am I doing to get out of it?
I am just 21, but the years are going to fly by and I sure as hell don't want to look back and be like "What a waste, I could have accomplished so much more." I need to wake up and live my life. Maybe when I stop to listen to my own thoughts, I may just hear another voice that I'm praying to hear.