Monday, March 8, 2010

Snapping Out of a Daydream

Dear Blog

Today was an extremely weird day, but before that, WEEKEND! So my weekend wasn't that eventful actually. I didn't see friends at all. I spent the whole of Saturday lazying around at home, and then I went to family dinner for supper. It was weird though, I left early, even though I had nowhere else to be. I just wanted to be home alone I guess, have some me time. Its not that I don't get enough of that, I just really wasn't in the mood to be out.

Sunday was also an uneventful day. I had lunch at home with my mom and dad. After that I helped my mom clear off all my random junk off the shelves in my room because they are getting a makeover. I broke my back carrying all the shelves out but it should be all worth the hard work in the end.

Today, Monday, I experienced one of the weirdest things ever. If you don't know by now, I spend all my work time promoting in stores. During the week the stores are extremely dead and it gives me a lot of time to sit and ponder random things in my head. I started focusing on what I was thinking about, even if it was nothing major at all. For some reason I just focused as hard as I could, and then something strange happened. I felt like I was thinking clearly for the first time in ages O_o I didn't know what the hell was happening. Everything felt more real as I focused on what was going on in my head. I did it for a solid 10 minutes. By focusing, I mean REALLY focusing. Forcing all my energy into concentrating and listening to my thoughts in detail. I could almost feel my head starting to develop a headache at the strain so I stopped :P Now here is the weird thing. As soon as I stopped I felt like I was dreaming. It kind of freaked me out a little bit. Everything around me felt surreal and unreal. I almost wanted to go home and sleep so I could wake up and feel alive again. I know you must think that this is totally random, don't worry I think so too :) just thought I'd share the experience.

I feel ok now, but the whole experience kind of made me realize that I spend my time daydreaming through my life. I don't spend enough time thinking about the right things and focusing on my goals. I have two books in progress. What is happening with those? I have a magazine that my friend and I want to start, have I written any articles for that? I don't enjoy my current line of work, what exactly am I doing to get out of it?

I am just 21, but the years are going to fly by and I sure as hell don't want to look back and be like "What a waste, I could have accomplished so much more." I need to wake up and live my life. Maybe when I stop to listen to my own thoughts, I may just hear another voice that I'm praying to hear.


  1. After reading this I tried it and... nothing? :( ah well. perhaps it'll work tomorrow in economics.
    AND I started editing on my book because of "What a waste, I could have accomplished so much more." I'm scared of saying that one day..

  2. When I was about 17 some old dude told me that anything I wanted, I should just go for it - I had been dying to travel round europe etc...but all I could see was problems "I haven't got the cash, I don't speak french" and the rest of it. I wanted to write a book, be an artist - just enjoy life.
    At 19 I got pregnant, quit collage, and due to responsibilities like a child, a mortgage and the rest of life's crap I am now 39 with an 18 year old daughter, a house that is costing a fortune in repairs and I work for the government in a job I hate. WARNING - DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU!!!! Do the things that make you HAPPY before you have to find happiness in what you do - simples.

    And your moment? Sounds like some pretty cool meditation sesh you had there! and random thought is the mother of all action! (Just made that up - but it sounds very wise! hehehe)


  3. haha Xander. Like I said I don't know exactly what the hell it was O_o was just so weird :O And yeah this whole "I need to do something with my life" I always have it in my head, but Its just me procrastinating and I never get around to it -_- glad you started editing your book :D keep it up!

    JuicyFig surely, even though your life didnt turn out the way you wanted, you can look back and still highlight the moments of happiness or accomplishments? :)

    Haha yeah that moment did seem kinda meditate-y like :P I havent been able to get it to happen again :( I wouldnt want to though, it was weird feeling like I was dreaming O_O

  4. Hehe, don't get me wrong, I have an amazing daughter, a wonderfull husband, a puddin of a dog,even 2 kittens (after being a cat hater for years) and lots of points in my life that could have gone in several direction - and for the most part I am happy, you can't change the past and there is no point in regret - just, if I had it all to do again, I may have just grabbed a few more opportunities...who knows!


  5. Cats are my favourite :D I only have one (only because my parents wont allow more) as soon as I move out I plan on at least having two :)

    We always have choices, and I think 9/10 times we tend to think we made the wrong ones :P


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South Africa
BA English and Communication graduate. I like to write stuff!