Friday, December 31, 2010

And The Book Closes Once More

Cheerio 2010 :) I can't say that I will sorely miss you unfortunately, bar the World Cup and other events that occurred throughout which made me smile or happy. Other then that, this year was nothing spectacular.

There really isn't much to write home about what I achieved this year, it honestly just flew by too quickly. I never reached my 100 blogs for 2010 goal (I don't think, still need to check how many posts I had in my other blog.) I'm really looking forward to reading all the way from April 2009 when I first started this thing, right on through to today. Hopefully I will be able to see that I have grown or made some kind of progress, but other then that I can honestly laugh or feel sad about whatever I read from the past. Laugh at the mistakes or random crap I have written, being sad where I see I could have done better or just improved. Nonetheless, I am trying to figure out how to put it all into a nifty little "e-book" so I can read it on my phone wherever I am, much like I would any other book. Thusfar I have around 48500 words, which is like a teeny little Novel. Perhaps next year this time I will have my first book out. I haven't really written any kind of fiction for ages! Something I must change, and things I must change about me to grow and stop being lazy.

Let this year be a reminder to the personal struggles I fought in my heart, with trying to let go and hang onto the same thing, at the same time. Let next year this time have me be a changed person, glowing in the same way I know I am capable of, shining with the goals I have fulfilled and overcome, minus the obstacles and barricaded disasters I wish to avoid.

Don't know if that made sense to you, but I got it :P have an awesome super duper smashing goodbye to 2010... lets welcome 2011 with open arms, and hope its everything we wish it to be!

Friday, December 24, 2010

Merry Christmas 2010 :)

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!

Another year has come and gone (well almost really, close enough) and I cannot believe where the FFFT it has gone off to! It honestly feels like yesterday I was doing certain things that actually happened WAY back early this year, and yet certain things feel like they were done really long ago but they were actually done this year.

Last year this time I was in Madeira O_O A WHOLE YEAR HAS PASSED SINCE THEN! I used to laugh at people who said that time flies after the age of 21, but honestly wtf, time is flying faster than the speed of light. I kind of wish it would slow down, but at the same time I wish for a few years to flash by so I can see exactly where I will be then.

Its 03:30AM here currently. I can hear a bird chirping outside my window, probably telling me to put the lights off and go to sleep. I shall heed your pleading, little birdie, and go punch the sack :) have a good day everybody!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

AAAH! A NEW SISTER!

I won't be writing for very long tonight :) not really in the mood, but I MUST SAY THIS:

MY BRO AND DANIELLA ARE ENGAGED!

And about time too :P although I know he was waiting for her to finish studying and whatnot, it feels like they should just be married already! I can't wait for the wedding... sheesh! TOO! MUCH! EXCITEMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!

On another note AAAH UJ ACCEPTED ME! Kinda... I have been conditionally accepted, space depending -_- so STILL going to wait on that and all.

I realise this post has lots of caps and violent exclamations, but its ok you shall live.

Scott Pilgrim vs the World is one of my favourite movies of all time! If you like games, or comics, or just plain awesome, do yourself a favour and see it! I don't think it will appeal to everybody, but by joe did it appeal to me! I wanna go see it again and again and again :P

AND IM OUT! OH NOES!

Friday, December 10, 2010

I See the Sea!

WAH!

I am currently in Durban on a kind of mini holiday with 4 friends of mine - Gruff, Niel, Robs and Faye. Robs' parents were kind enough to let us stay at their place with them for the duration. It's currently 02:30 in the morning here, and I am sitting in the lounge with Gruff killing time.

This is just a pic I took on the way here:



We had a hell of an interesting evening! Which I am going to share with you in as few words as possible, because quite frankly I am sitting on the couch, staring at my blow up mattress which is where I will be sleeping, and it is calling my name like you cannot believe. My eyelids are as heavy as bricks and I am quite keen to sleep... but FIRST I want to tell you what happened this evening before I forget all the minor details. I am just warning you, I am currently typing with my eyes closed, so some things I say, may or may not make sense. I will be spell checking after all of this obviously, but at the moment I am having fun tying without looking.

We got here just after nine or so, and as soon as we did we decided to hit the beach for a walk and whatnot. Being surrounded by people so in touch with God though, means that you can never really just have a walk on the beach in the evening. There are always people to be prayed for, and pray we did.

I am utterly astounded by the accuracy of words that Niel and Gruff got for the people we got for, and how accurare they were. We prayed for a girl named Brady, who was surrounded by some drunk guys and other uninterested friends, but she was brave and accepted our request to pray for her. Niel felt something about her dancing, and that she would use her dancing to bring glory to God. Gruff got a word he didn't even know the definition of.

Promenade:
a. A formal dance; a ball.
b. A march of all the guests at the opening of a ball.
c. A square-dance figure in which couples march counterclockwise in a circle.

How cool is that? It's got to do with dancing! :P

We ended up sitting on a life guards "shelter" thingy. All 5 of us in a circle. We started praying for each other and it was awesome! All the words that were shared were very helpful, and everbody prayed for my UJ application to get processed super fast and for me to get accepted obviously, Please God, let me be accepted... it's starting to stress me out just a tad!

I kept feeling that we should wait, like we should wait for somebody or some people to come meet us or just arrive near us. If we were going to get up and leave, I was going to tell everybody to just wait a few minutes. I didn't need to though :) 3 drunk guys approached our spot and asked us if we minded them digging a hole nearby. We obviously had no issue with this and told them to go ahead. When they busied themselves, I quickly shared what I had felt with everybody. I really don't know if what I got was a genuine word from God, but to me it was pretty darn cool nonetheless!

We decided to pray for them. Drunk people are difficult to work with, so we just waited a bit before approaching them. I can't remember what Niel said, but he mentioned some advice he felt about approaching them, and we did.

There were 3 of them. One accepted prayer, one was skeptical, and one point blank refused. It didn't matter. As Niel pointed out, when you want to pick a ripe fruit, you can literally just lift it off the tree without effort. There is no point in trying to force a fruit picking. The guy we prayed for is Roman Catholic. Gruff had some good words and prayer for him while Niel chatted to the skeptical guy. You could see this guy was experiencing an intense tingling in his hands. He kept rubbing his hands, something I always do when my hands are super tingly.

We thanked them and were about to leave when Gruff was like WAIIIIT!!!!! He asked this guy if he wanted to give his life to the Lord and he agreed :) so that was at least one person saved tonight. Gruff is going to add him on Facebook just to catch up at some point and see how he is doing.

That was about it, and we headed back to the car. Definitely an unusual evening, but it really was amazing to me!

Ok I'm done now... it's 3am :O SLEEP TIME! Apparently we are going for a run on the beach tomorrow morning at 8. Hahahahahahahaha! Ok now that I have that out of my system, goodnight :)

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Definitely Still a Learning Curve

Sorry guys, definite rant on the horizon tonight. It's eating at my insides, as insignificant as it may seem, but it's something I need to write about to feel better about.

Tonight we went to a farewell dinner for Talitha. Jesse (my cousin from Secunda who is staying over) and I went to fetch Amber on the way because she asked for a lift. The evening went as expected I guess, starting off with Amber taking the empty seat next to Dave. I have nothing against Dave, he is one of my good friends from Highschool, but seeing him and Amber is like poison to me. I get so irritated around them that I just want to get up and leave. Surprisingly I handled myself quite well tonight, considering that last time she abandoned me for his company I had to get up like twice, making excuses about bathroom visits, just to clear my head and not get angry/upset about it. Anyways back to tonight...

I can't quite tell how they feel about each other, maybe they are just being friends and whatnot, but I'm just really uncomfortable about it. It's difficult to explain. Anyways, it just annoys me :P I struggle to be normal around them, but I really think I did well tonight.

The problem didn't come in at dinner, but after. People were making plans to go to Wolves tomorrow evening, and I know Dave is definitely going. Amber said she wasn't sure if she was going yet and nor was Gruff. I wasn't going because I wanted to go watch Harry Potter with Jesse, and besides that, he is too young for Wolves and I'm not going to leave him at home while I'm out and about. I had to then change my plans to accommodate Gruff and Amber because they don't want to go in the evening. That aside, I could have sworn that when we left, Dave said to Amber that he will see her at Wolves tomorrow. I have no idea who else is going, not sure if Gruff is... but the thought of Amber and Dave going alone makes me kinda sad :S sheesh...

In the car on the way home, my mood had already dipped after speculating in my head, perhaps unnecessarily, but speculation nonetheless. Amber started talking about people, then eventually couples. First off she started speaking about particular people who had just broken up, and how not too long after the guy is already dating another girl (I'm talking maybe about 2 months? Not sure) anyways, she said she wasn't happy about the whole thing, but the girl should get over him, and girls do take long to get over guys. I couldn't help but retort in my head something along the lines of, "yeah because you took SO long to get over me."

If she isn't over me, well then she is covering up very well. If she is, well then that was insanely fast and it hurt. It's like she forgot all about me during college this last half of the year, and is just moving on with her life like we didn't ever exist.

Second up she started talking about other couples. She kept going on about how cute certain couples are. I just stayed quiet... couple hookups is like the last goddam thing I wanna talk to my ex about. She kept talking and talking, then realizing how quiet I was, casually said, "I'll shut up now." Thank goodness O_o I don't know why it irritates me how she talks about others together, I have nothing against them, but there was once upon a time when we used to think we were awesome together, now that thought is clearly absent from her mind.

Oh well... told you tonight was a ramble. Sorry :)

When I got home she asked me over gtalk if I was upset in the car. I told her I just had a big headache which was kind of true. I don't want to be an ass to her, so guess I'll just have to keep learning to deal with it, and get over her.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

A Taste Of Flavour!

I just got home. I am tired. My back hurts. My eyelids weigh in as heavy as watermelons on a piece of paper suspended between to sharp blades O_O but man that was a fun evening!

My friend Gruff and his bro, are the kind of people who love bringing people together. So they decided to throw a formal party (where we still bought tickets so they could cover costs and whatnot) where we all dressed fancy schmancy, ate awesome food, and danced the night away! I felt like I was at some kind of a matric dance, but where everybody who attended was a friend or somebody I knew. It really was a ball (LOL pun!) and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

It was awesome to see the guys all smart and pimping in their suits, and the ladies all looking gorgeous in their dresses. Usually I am quite a shy guy, but I decided to be a little more social tonight and wasn't scared to dance (although I'm sure I looked like a retard :P) and to be a little more open with girls.

I must admit that one girl sitting at our table caught my attention :S I think she is quite pretty, has beautiful eyes, and a nice laugh :P she belongs to our circle of friends somehow, but its the first time I have ever met her. When I introduced myself as Fig she was like "OH you're Fig! I've heard so much about you!" I was like :-? who the hell finds the time to talk about me? Anyways, I'll see how our next encounter goes, maybe I can get to know her a bit better.

I wanted to put some pictures up, but you will have to wait for them to be put on facebook by others before I can steal them and put them on here.

SLEEP SUMMOMS! Kthxbyeit's2AMhere

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Sigh...

Title says it all :S sheesh
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Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Movember!

Ah the month of Movember... the one where you grow a moustache to raise awareness for several types of cancer. I didn't really pay attention to it last year, but this year it seemed to have a lot more hype. I gave it a try!

Movember: FIRST ATTEMPT!


Its terrible I know :P considering I'm Portuguese and all and in an entire month I grew such a teeny moustache! Don't worry, for fun this month I am doing BEARDecember! It's all made up (I think) and when it comes to growing beards, I win hands down (except compared to my friend Q who can grow a beard in like five minutes flat. Blink and you will miss it!)

2 weeks of work left! Counting down the days now like you can't believe. On top of that I am away for a long weekend in Durban next weekend, so very little work left for the year. All I need to settle this year off, is a damn response from UJ!

Monday, November 29, 2010

STUPEFY!

Phew! What a busy day.

The morning started like any other typical Monday morning, me waking up, rolling over and sleeping in as much as possible before I have to drag myself off to another week of work. After the surprisingly short drive to the office (schools are on holiday, so much less traffic) I was a bit gobsmacked to find the place infested with boxes and whatnot. We were moving again! How annoying... this meant no table to sit at and no Internet. Seeing as I basically manage myself, I don't have a real need to be at the office anyways, but this further enhanced the knowledge in my mind that I wasted my time just driving there.

I ended up leaving and driving back home so I could get started on my reports for the week. I had a meeting later in the afternoon so unfortunately it wasn't really like having the day off. After much fighting with the report software my company uses, I have postponed my report finishing until tomorrow. Thank God I have an awesome client/boss lady who is super understanding. I really wish somebody like her was running the company as I think things would be a lot better.

Forgive me for weird tone of blog, if I have any. I am quite darn tired, but I really want to write this out of my head before I get lazy and forget to write tomorrow.

During my brief time at home, Amber asked me on google talk if I was busy. I told her I had a meeting later but other then that I didn't have anything else tying me down. We made plans to go see Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows (FINALLY) after much delay. I don't know why she kept putting it off, but we agreed a week or two ago to go see it together. She kept saying that we could go watch it when my cousin Jesse came to visit (he is on holiday too) and despite my various suggestions of watching it over the weekend or anything, she put it off. I was dying to see it myself so the fact that she kept putting it off was troublesome :S it was like she didn't want to be alone with me. I don't blame her really, might have been awkward and strange for her and I. I don't think it was :-?

It was actually loads of fun, haven't spent time alone with Amber since like her June holidays! She has never read the books before so I really enjoyed seeing her reactions as she discovered new things as they happened on screen. Other times, I couldn't help but whisper a quick explanation to her if I felt the movie might have left a small detail out or something. They really did a good job, and ended it well in my opinion. We both agreed! So Harry Potter book readers and non... go see the movie :P it's good from both perspectives!

I then took her home and went back to my house to fetch a laptop her mom ordered through my sisters company. I took it back to Amber's house and set it up for her mom. At one point I was sitting alone in the study, sorting out something on the older pc. I was a LITTLE annoyed with Amber because she vanished into her room to watch stuff on her pc or read or something. I was pleasantly surprised though when she came out to join me and said she felt like she was being rude. She leaned her head on my shoulder from behind to see what I was doing. It was weird, like the last few weeks of her being so random around me didn't exist and things were just normal. Even though it may have been something so insignificant, it definitely was something I appreciated. On top of that she did a million other small acts such as that, whether she realized it or not.

I have neglected mentioning Amber in my last few posts, because I don't think I wanted to write anything bad about her, because often in my bad mood or sadness I'll maybe take an unintended swipe at her or something. Fortunately, I have something pleasant to say and I'm not forcing myself to do so.

Amber is obviously a girl, but since I have met her, she has often tried to sort of "shun" being a girl, if that makes sense. By that, I don't mean she acts like a guy, but she often neglected some girly things. In her growing up and maturing though, she is turning from into an amazing young lady. Her wardrobe is starting to fill up with a much more feminine dress sense, She is wearing more girly shoes, and my jaw nearly hit the ground the other day when I saw her with a handbag O_O

Now I'm not saying I had a problem with the way Amber dressed or did anything before, I mean, we know I fell in love with her many a moon ago and thought she was the most amazingly beautiful girl in existence (which I still stand by :P). I'm just trying to point out the fact that even though it seems downright impossible, she is turning into a more feminine female in front of my eyes, and its really bringing out her beauty now!

More so then I thought possible. She looks downright amazing, far more then I could ever have imagined! Its often hard to not be mesmerized by her eyes or her voice when conversing with her, I have to really pay attention and not sit and pine for her, wishing she was mine forever. Her hair is super long now, and that too, just always looks perfect. Even harder is biting my tongue to stop throwing compliments her way, because opportunities often present themselves, and I fight with myself not to say anything nice about her to her face, so that I don't make her feel awkward or anything. All I can say though, is that she stuns me more then she knows... wow :S

Man I sound like a stalker O_O I don't mean any of this in a creepy way... just putting it out there :P you can stop throwing up now! It all sounds so much better in my head anyways, I didn't convey what I wanted to convey, the right way. Oh well.

Tis all from me ^_^ cheerio!

Sunday, November 28, 2010

3mm Can Save You Hours!

ITS HOT!

The weather here has been rather odd lately, but in a really cool way. There is something about the unknown that is rather cool in my opinion (in certain situations.) Like this morning it was super hot and sunny when I gazed through my bleary eyelids. I rolled over and slept in a bit more. Before I know it I'm being woken up by water in my face. Naturally I'm like "WTF WATER GERROF ME!" thinking maybe my brother was being an unusual pest for some reason. Looking through my still bleary eyes, I see that it is POURING outside, like seriously bad. On top of that, it was so windy, that rain drops were flying right through my window (at least 1.5m away from my bed) and into my face. Crazy stuff! It then cleared and the sun made some guest appearances throughout the rest of the day.

I spend a good few hours yesterday trying to sort out a gate at the back of our house. I often park outside in the front yard of our house because the gate at the back requires that you get out and push it open. It gets annoying after a while, and I'm lazy like that. I suggested many moons ago to my dad that we motorize the damn thing one day. Last weekend we did :D unfortunately we didn't get the motor down in concrete so I had to wait for that to be done.

It got done sometime during the week, so I took the free time I had yesterday to try get the gate set up and what not. The gate basically has to do a once of setting check to know how far it must travel both ways. For some odd reason, that kept failing all the time and it refused to pick up the end stops. After much googling, manual reading and general light swearing, I gave up. I honestly was at it for a good few hours with no results, and the best idea I had as to what the problem was, was merely a suspicion.

Today I got my brother to help me out and I told him what my suspicion was. The little magnet on the gate wasn't being picked up by the sensor on the motor. Basically the magnet sits on the railing of the gate and the sensor picks it up when it travels past. I couldn't see how that was the real problem though as they were so close together already. We decided to move the magnet like not even 3mm closer to the sensor, and it WORKED O_O damn... all that time wasted yesterday for a mere 3mm >_< on the bright side the gate is working now, and I don't need to get out of my car to open it.

Yesterday, Gruff, Robs, Faye and I went to watch Lonehill Estate live in the 5fm studio on live @ 5. They are truly my favourite South African band as not only do they play great music, they are amazing entertainers without their instruments. The lead singer had the crowd in stitches with his stage antics and his comments during the interview. I would so love them to play at like a random event such as a wedding. They would keep that crowd entertained forever while providing great covers of some well known tunes. I couldn't help imagining them playing at my wedding one day. Better make sure the woman I marry is as big a fan as I am :P

I had another weird Amber dream last night. Was actually thinking about it last week sometime how I haven't dreamt about her for AGES. Like I have had some random dreams, but very little involving her. All I can remember from last night, is that I was giving her a piggy back (don't know why, where to, or for what reason) and she was leaning on my shoulder or something while I carried her. She then leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek. Thats all I remember :S haha. If I can remember anything else, its maybe the fact that I got annoyed with her, but I really don't remember.

Well thats all for now ^_^ kthxbye!

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Mobile Ramblings

It's 2am here and I cannot sleep! So here I am lying in my bed, trying to find an application on my phone that lets me read blogs. All this one does is let me publish to my blog. Not exactly what I wanted but useful nonetheless :)

I miss my keyboard...
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Thursday, November 25, 2010

The Open Window

My friend Gruff made it onto the SRC of his college :) yay! He asked me to write an article about his college from an "outsiders" perspective. Here it is :) he loved it! Apparently a second year did too, so I hope it gets published. It obviously needs some editing as this was my first draft.

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Who calls a college “The Open Window”? Honestly? This was definitely one of my thoughts when I first heard about it. My first thought was of a college maybe involved in architecture, but clearly I was wrong. It was the college of everything.
Enter my two best friends, who coincidentally both found about The Open Window, both applied very late, and both got accepted. If I wasn’t artistically retarded, I probably would have totally jumped onto the bandwagon and joined them. Unfortunately my creativity only spreads to the kinds of toppings I would put on a pizza.

They were both extremely excited, studying exactly what they love. I couldn’t help but feel excited for them, I mean if they are happy, I should be too? Right? Wrong. It wasn’t long before they dropped off the face of the planet. Where did my two closest friends run off to? After some minor investigations and probing (facebook – a stalkers dream program) I discovered that my friends were buried underground! Wait, that’s not earth they are covered in? It was books, projects and empty coffee cups! Upon visiting one of them, I managed to procure a bulldozer from an unsuspecting construction worker, and I proceeded to shove this huge pile off. “I’m here! Don’t worry!!” I yelled reassuringly. “I have come to rescue you!”

The face I saw wasn’t one of anguish or pain, not even the slightest. What met me was a huge smile. “Er… what happened to your face?” I asked, taken aback.
“I’m busy designing a 3d model and I have such huge ideas. I’m loving it!”
“Some friend you are, I haven’t seen you in weeks!”
“Has it been that long?”
“You are sporting a hillbilly beard man…”
He looked at me, shrugged, and got back to what he was doing. I picked up the nearest book attempting to get some insight into this monster eating my friend’s existence.
“Philosophy?” I asked surprised. “I thought this was a design college.”
“Of course it is. We are just learning everything in our first year, then branching out and focussing on what we want to major in thereafter.”
“Oh.” Was all I could muster. “Well, I’ll leave you to it.”

I drove around the city that evening, beyond lonely. What was I to do? My friends were gone! I hit the nearest bar and ordered myself a strong drink of concentrated Oros. The barman was a tad gobsmacked, but he saw the dismay in my eyes. After filling him in on my crisis, he just merely shook his mangy hair while he polished a dirty glass.

“My only real question to you mate, is have you ever seen anybody smiling while studying or doing work at the same time?” he asked
I dropped my glass onto the floor with an ear splitting crash. “You’re right! I’m being a selfish bastard! Why should I get in the way of their life? Why should I be the one to stop this huge mountain of work when I know it’s putting them on their way to a good future? And on top of that, they never stop smiling!”
“Meaning that although they are probably stressed, they love what they are learning.”

I slumped out of the bar into the cool night air. I pulled out my phone and initiated the conference call to the two most important non family members I have in my life. Ironically the call hit both of their voicemail boxes. They were too busy working most likely. “damn you phone!” I yelled as I threw it across the street.

After letting the traffic pass I went to claim my phone before climbing into my car. After my quick drive home I decided a Facebook message would be the best way to communicate. Who doesn’t make time for Facebook? Nobody… so they would get the message eventually.
“I know you guys are too busy at the moment. Just to let you know, I still exist, and when you finally hit holidays, I’m ready to live this friendship between your breaks. See you at the end of the year.”

I drove home smiling, knowing that The Open Window would loosen its grip on my friends one day, and at the same time, they would tighten their grip on a shiny new Open Window Degree.

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Tuesday, November 23, 2010

One Day, I'll Have a Techno Band, and You're Gonna Be In It!

It's true! YOU SHALL BE IN IT! I have decided that for reasons unknown to me, that my favourite local band must be Lonehill Estate! They just have a randomness and awesomeness about their music and random lyrics that bring a smile to my face. Their latest single, Techno Band, is extremely catchy and I can't seem to get it out of my head. I was at a gig of their's last year and they did a cover of Hey Ya by Outkast which totally rocked! I wrote on their FB fanpage today, requesting the song and they told me that if I inform them about their next gig I will be attending, that they will pull it out of the hat for me as they have no studio recording of it. They are just awesome like that :)

If you want to give them a listen, or even just listen to Techno Band, go to:
http://www.myspace.com/lonehillestate/music
The song is second on the playlist. You won't regret it ;)

I gave UJ a call yesterday and SURPRISE SURPRISE! My application is apparently in the selection process. *Gulp* my stress level doubled at that news as I am now closer to the make or break stage :x Will I study next year? Will I be stuck with my annoyingly cool job but annoying boss? Will I just do nothing, go to the beach and become a bum? TUNE IN SOON TO FIND OUT! As soon as I know, trust me, you will know!

Random but on my mind nonetheless, have you ever stopped and wondered constantly about what you are thinking about? I did a long drive for work today and it surprised me when I got home, that I couldn't really remember what I spent the whole drive home thinking about, yet I know that when I was driving home I wasn't NOT thinking. Don't know if that makes sense, was just wondering about it now. My brain often seems to be in its own fuzzy state and I don't know if I really think about anything "In depth". It worries me somewhat... If I am so absent minded, how will I deal with studying next year? I could study study study study, just to forget what I learnt. Lame worry I know, but still something for me to think about :P

On the flipside, I sure am glad to be in a writing frame of mine again, seeing as I didn't really do much over the last few weeks. Hope you guys don't mind :) (if anybody still actually reads this :P)

P.s sorry for all the smiley emoticons... it just helps me explain myself a lot better!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Coffee Frosti *Nom nom nom*



I just ate/drank that :) *nom nom nom* Lulu's for the win! Awesome older sister for being super awesome all the time even more for the win!

Ah man, lately I have taken to reading some of my older blogs and realising just how insanely fast this year has gone by! Like, I am not even joking. Maybe its the fact that reading about stuff that happened many months ago makes the memory seem so clear in my head and it just feels like it was yesterday? It's insanely strange! I would so love to have my blog printed out, bound, and ready to read. It would be for my eyes only of course :P I just know I moan a lot about Amber and other random things, but inbetween, there really are some interesting things I totally forgot about.

I really do have this weird affinity with the moon, and due to my constant monthly facebook updates of like: "Awww purdy moon <3" as an example,this has informed people over and over again how obsessive I am :P my sister even sms'd me tonight to inform me that I should go take a look at the full moon. I do not have a passion for photography enough to get a super amazing camera, but flip I wish I had a camera that did moon pictures justice! This was the best I could get with my phone.



It does not do any justice AT ALL! The moon was covered in clouds and very prominent... IMAGINE IT! :)

It is literally like 4 work weeks left till my office closes. UJ better get back to me ASAP else I will have to continue working next year :o( *vomit* otherwise I can only pray that God will open up other doors for me. I know I procrastinated lots this year about writing, which I didn't get around to much at all, but by the George Foreman Big Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine, I WILL! Or so I hope!

I really need to learn to get to bed earlier. Sometimes I just stay up forever only to have my eyeballs die the next day O_O

OOOOH! And I know my blog theme is a little wtf at the moment ^_^ but I was changing it, got indecisive, and gave up for now :P So will fix it eventually!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Dear End of Year. Apporoach Swiftly!

TOP NEWS TOP NEWS!!! I called UJ today and.......................................

"Call back next week."

I have been calling UJ every week for like the past 6-8 weeks now and I have received the same answer every single week. It's positively driving me up the wall as I would like to just have a straight answer. Will I be studying next year or not?

Work seems to be going ok, but you have missed a lot of drama that happened with my boss about 3 weeks ago. I don't really feel like going into detail, but in a nutshell: I stood up for myself, I got into trouble, boss wanted to meet with me and tune me, boss cancelled meeting and hasn't rescheduled since, I haven't received my new salary. O_O I really would like to rage and flame on here, but I do too much of that already anyways.

My friends and I have discovered and awesome little cafe called Wolves. Every Thursday they get a local band to play an acoustic set, and hanging out there with a drink or two,washing down a meal in the company of friends, is really quite awesome. Anyways that aside, the owner of the cafe (or one of the owners... It's owned by a man and a lady. I think they are married?) approached me one evening and told me I had a look that she really wanted for a shoot that was coming up. I was rather taken aback as, well, that was random. She took my details and told me she would be in contact.

The shoot happened last Saturday and it was quite interesting. I was not the only person having their snap taken, but I was one of maybe around 8 or so which they took photos of in hour long slots. My time was 11:30 - 12:30. The shoot was quite random and interesting. Basically it was for a publishing company. What happened is that they had a paragraph from a book, or a scene, and they interpreted in many ways and "visualized" it differently for each model. The message basically is, we can all read the same book, but we can all have our own unique visual of it in our head. I don't know if that made sense to you, but it did to me :P anyways I thought it was quite cool, still trying to figure out where I can see some pics.

I can't wait for this year to be over. I just want a completely clean start. Its funny how even though you think you can deal with something, circumstances always change and you find yourself on the backfoot. Flip, I really want to moan in this blog, but I don't know... I don't think it will be helpful ^_^ oh well.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!!

For some reason I am sure I have used this title in a blog before, but oh well. Inspired by this xD



Anyways. I am still awaiting my application results at UJ. This poster just made me think though, that there will be no room for stuffing around this time around, I am fortunate to even dream of a second chance at studying, so I better not throw it away, else Gandalf will pimp slap me all the way to Mordor from the Shire :O

Funny thing happened yesterday, I had a quick chat with Robs. I had to meet her and her bro at a car dealer (won't go into the story, too long and I'm too lazy at the moment). Anyways, at dinner on Saturday Robs sat next to me and at one point she uttered that people were treating her weird or being funny to her. I knew exactly who she would be talking about, but I just wanted to make sure. So yesterday when we were alone I just asked it Casually, "So Robs... who was being funny to you at dinner the other day?" She looked a bit surprised and said it was a bit random for me to remember that she said that. Maybe it was, but either way, curiosity burnt deep into me, I wanted a confirmation. She told me it was Amber, but she also told me defensively that maybe she (Robs) was just being oversensitive to the way Amber was or wasn't behaving (if that all made sense :S). For some reason, that loosened a little knot in my stomach. Surely if Amber was REALLY being strange to Robs, it was to do with the fact that Robs was sitting next to me, and Amber was not? Obviously I could be a little bigheaded and think that all of these actions revolve around me, but maybe Amber was just being normal and Robs was overreacting. I like to think though, that maybe Amber was a little jealous that Robs got my attention and she didn't. It's only fair though, because Amber's ex got all her Ambers attention and I had to deal with it too. Maybe I'm being an ass, and it wasn't intentional anyways. Either way I found that knowing this little piece of info Robs shared with me really made me feel loads better.

I am feeling a hell of a lot more productive this week. Its only Tuesday I know, but believe it or not I am finally ticking of things that I have needed to be doing off my giant checklist (kept conveniently on my teeny phone for quick reference) the job is also going ok so far, I am still taking baby steps, but its baby steps in the right direction and I must admit, my boss from Microsoft is so easy to work and get on with.

Thats all for now I think ^_^ thanks for reading if you did :P if you merely glanced over and ended up at this paragraph... well... just shush and go read!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Memories May Fade, but Moments Last Forever

RAIN!

Ok it's not raining right this very second, but I'm pleased to report that Johannesburg has finally received a few TEENY shares of rains. Little as it was, we have received about 3 spouts of it, and it won't be long before we can enjoy night long rain sessions. The air will no longer be dry, and my skin will no longer look like sandpaper. The rain however, did stuff up the cleanliness of my car, which I washed on Friday -_- curse you rain! Please come back soon though!

Weekends are a strange time for me I won't lie. I find myself longing for them whenever I am at work, yet when my weekend finally rocks up, I'm like ok now what? I feel like my weekends are a waste and I don't get much done in them, which I can't honestly say I feel guilty about, but it does kind of leave a gloop of nothingness in my stomach. I should be using this time to get some writing done.

Speaking of which the first ever book I started, which none of you have ever read I don't think, yeah that one. Over the last 2 weekends I have been having immense brainwaves on storylines, characters, twists, etc etc etc. Its weird, I haven't thought about that book in years, I have tried and have had nothing come of it and now out of nowhere I can't stop thinking about it! I have enough fresh ideas that I'm sure I could span over at least three books. So I consider this book to be my first ever series even though I haven't yet finished the first :P I will get there though!

Amber I hear you ask? Ok I know you would never ask about her, but I'll just pretend you did. As I have mentioned back in the day, there is a nice quiet gap spanning 2-3 months (following the mysterious cycle that happens every year) where Amber seems to drop off the face of the planet and when I see her there is like nothing there from her side, and no enthusiasm from mine due to it. I am hoping this year doesn't fail me and she realizes that I do still exist. It was around the end of October last year when we kind of got back together, so I'm hoping history shall not fail me. Amber has been scarce this year due to college, but she used to make time to see me. Now she barely sms's, talks to me, or anything. We all went out for dinner yesterday, and I just kind of assume that Amber would be keen to sit next to me, or you know, want to chat to me. I spent a frustrated evening watching her not really pay any attention to me, but sit opposite her ex boyfriend before me, last of which I saw them together, was on her amazingly fantastic 20th birthday bash this year in June. Where she got drunk, threw him looks that wrenched at my heart, and generally told me to piss off.

Maybe I am just imagining that I know Amber THAT well... but deep down in my heart somewhere I can't hide the fact that I think she still has some sort of feelings or crush on him. Then again, maybe it's just me being the chop and expecting too much from her. THEN again, how is it normal to treat a guy like your best friend, your boyfriend, to pretending that he isn't there anymore, only talking to him when you need something? Bah I don't know, I just needed to rant I guess.

After last night, Amber chatted to me a little bit on Googletalk. But it was the simple hi how are you have fun k awesome kind of conversation. Yeah I did have fun, but my evening lacked any form of conversation with her, I don't know why she waited for me to be on a chat program before she decided to say anything. Even more irritating then that, she just doesn't say goodnight anymore -_- chat chat chat Amber is now away... at which point I know she has left her pc on to download something, and has gone to bed. in my retarded moment of weakness, I left her a message saying goodnight and that I missed her. She hasn't said anything to me at all. Ah well, can't win em all. Hope history will repeat itself to a certain extent. Or better yet, I'll just turn into a heartless prick and forget any kind of memories I have had with her. Those have kind of faded I guess, but I can remember certain moments clear as day, and I don't think I will ever forget them.

I'm still waiting for UJ to process my varsity application -_- dang its been 2 weeks already!

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Me, The Retail Consultant :O

AHOY!

Just a quick update on life. I started my new position today. It went relatively well, but I will need to chat to my MS Manager about changing a few things so that perhaps I can be a bit more effective. It's a simple enough job, entailing me just being present in the store and mingling with the staff, giving informal and eventually formal training now and then. Still getting into the swing of things though.

I truly love playing soccer. Once a week without fail we play indoor soccer at a club nearby. I always moan at the guys on tv for their theatrics because they dive as if they are Olympic swimmers! We had a catch up game yesterday so we ended up playing yesterday and today (Tuesday is our regular day). I am definitely not one to fall, and it takes a lot for me to go diving like a cricket player. yesterday however, I got chopped and landed with my full body weight, onto my wrist, which is now nice and swollen and throbs worse then a bass drum in a heavy rock band. Today, a played decided to run into me using his knee, connecting into the side of my leg. Dead league of note, thats gonna be so sore tomorrow. Injury free for a good few months, then out of nowhere 2 injuries on 2 days. There is no room for broken toes, twisted ankles or bust up shins... I get a dead leg and a swollen wrist!

I emailed that guy who's business card I stole from Rage this weekend. Ok not stole, but got from him. I had not previously glanced at it before I pulled it out of my wallet yesterday. I recognized the name as one of the writers of my favourite magazines! I mailed him instantly in what I hope was a good and decent email. I am still awaiting his reply.

That is all for now it seems ^_^ cheerio!

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Waiting With Baited Breath!

It seems I spend most of my blogs, well, the first few paragraphs anyways, saying how sorry I am for not writing for so long, how I'm going to catch up, and so on and so forth. This post could not be any different, and I have already filled that requirement. I started out this year to reach the 100 blog goal by the end of the year, and I was pretty much on target until I got lazy! I could still catch it (if I blogged like every day :P but that is HIGHLY unlikely!)

So lots of news I guess, where to begin, oh where to start?

I APPLIED FOR JOURNALISM! Finally... I can't remember what my last post was (and yes I am too lazy to check it out) but I am certain it was about me bitching about work screwing me over AGAIN. That motivated me. Oh wait I remember writing about filling my forms out. I did, on that night, and the next day I went and dropped them off at The University of Johannesburg. Before I handed them in, I just had a knot in my stomach, was this the right thing to do with my life? Would I screw up and dropout yet again? I gave those forms in, and my anxiousness instantly turned into me being excited! Holy crap I'm excited! I can't wait... this work year is nearly over, and hopefully next year will be the start of me starting the rest of my life. PRAY FOR ME TO GET ACCEPTED!!!! :D

Leading on from that, I went to the Rage expo this weekend. At one of the stands my friend Gruff started chatting to a guy and it turns out this guy is involved in an online technology and gaming magazine. He asked if this guy needs writers, and he said yes, but he is in no position to pay them. Hell... I was like I don't care, I just need the writing experience so I wouldn't mind doing it for free for as long as needed! I got his business card, and will be mailing him tomorrow. Holding thumbs for that too!

Over this weekend I also scored an Asus A-list card ^_^ so WOOOH for me! Part of a competetion on FB they were running. At least I won something! My friend Gruff won R5000 O_O!

http://www.facebook.com/ASUSza?ref=ts

Go like them, they are awesome :D

I could have written lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and LOTS more, but at the end of the day a Quick summary was all I felt like doing :) so CHEERIO! Hear from me soon I suppose ^_^

P.s I haven't seen Amber forever... the longer those periods of time, the more frequently she turns up in my dreams :S dang...

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

A Yarn of Empty Promises

Ah man, is there anybody out there who truly enjoys their job?

People often tell me that I have such a nice job, with the flexible hours I get. Yeah I can agree with that, but man I'd rather work a 9-5 job if It was doing EXACTLY what I was told I would be doing, not something else. In other words here is a very blunt example. You get told that you will no longer be doing dishes, but you will be moving to the bakery department to bake cakes. You get all excited, think about all the kinds of cakes you will be making and so on.

Instead you get moved to the butchery. You have to package meat and sell it to customers.

Very lame example, but thats kind of how I feel. I got told I was going to do training. So I'm like great thats cool. My first task is Windows 7 Mobile. I think thats quite unusual, but hey at least its my new position. Surprise surprise I start this week and find that I am doing the training along with two other guys. The stores got split up between us 3 over a period of two weeks. I'm thinking ok after 2 weeks maybe I will move onto more pressing and important training (like Office or XBOX) SURPRISE!!!! From what I gathered in a brief meeting this morning, the list I got is my call cycle and those will be my regular stores. How is it that I have just been reduced to what I can kind of bluntly say is a rep of MS. This isn't the position I was told I would be filling? What about my raise? I can't see how I can be getting my raise when I know exactly what the other 2 guys are earning, and it's the same as me. How can I earn a lot more then them for doing the exact same job? It doesn't compute in my head.

Tonights finally the night, those college application forms are staring me in the face from the left, I am going to fill them out, and drop them off tomorrow morning. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me get accepted, because I have spent the last 3 years of my work career earning the same salary, and hanging onto empty threads of promises. Enough >_< I'm sick of it.

If I don't get in to college, well then a different job is in order.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Road Trip! Road Trip!

ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Ok so for a change I thought about you my little blog, and snapped me some pictures of the scenery on my road trip yesterday. For work I had to travel far and wide, to distant places which do not see human existence often. Ok I lie, but they are far :)

Along the way, one part of the trip was too awesome that I refused to take pictures. I feared driving off the mountain, and I was enjoying driving along the roads like a rally driver ^_^

The sun rising! :O



a PRETTY effect on my phone sunrise pic :P



The road was long and straight for like... 4 hours.



a MOUNTAIN! :O



Another scenery shot!



3 of the displays I did. I did about 7 in total for my trip among other things







We have some downright amazing scenery here in SA. I was so surprised at how beautiful the one part of my drive was! Could never get the right kind of pic while driving, so stopped for this one :P



A Tunnel!



There was light at the end :P



This is the last picture I took on the way back this morning :)



All in all, I seem to be surviving and smiling, lets see how long this keeps up ^_^ trying my hardest to keep things at bay, even though I think people care and they quite frankly don't seem to give a crap :O!

And thats me :) lazy post. Pictures > Writing for tonight. TIRED!

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Maybe I'm Just Blind

Sometimes everything can just feel like its all going to hell at the same time.

I don't know why, but for some reason I seem to imagine this year being more miserable then the last. This has possibly got to do with the state I am in at the moment. I don' know where to begin right now.

I suppose we could begin with me. Maybe in writing all of this I will realise that it is probably me who being the dickhead and not all of those around me. I tend to be extremely forgetful, like to the point where sometimes, I admit, it is insanely ridiculous. A simple example being: My dad tells me to change the DSTV channel on my way past the decoder, and on the way, even though he told me a simple 5 seconds ago, I will forget. I blame this mostly due to the fact that maybe I have other stuff on my mind at that time, maybe I was planning on doing something else already, and he added that onto my list. Maybe I am just lazy and I forget to commit it to memory. The fact is, I tend to forget easily.

Bottomline is, this small example leads to me forgetting to do bigger chores for my parents. I simply forget, or I get lost in time and by the time I realise I should have done that chore ages ago, the time has past. Tonight started out innocently. My parents and I ordering take out pizza and eating together. My mom started telling me I should use my sparetime to learn how to do handy things, make extra money as a repair man. I hate that kind of thing, and unfortunately, I don't see myself doing that as a living. It kind of tells me that my mom already doubts journalism as a career. So naturally, I'm cold to the whole thing, telling her it's not for me. Naturally though to my parents, this leads to the discussion of how lazy I am. I will never deny that, I know I am lazy, but when I apply myself to something, I am far from lazy. My dad constantly tells me to clean the pool surface, due tothe fact that August and September has the surrounding trees blow millions and bilions of leaves onto the surface of the pool and stuffs it up.

About a month or so ago my parents and I had an argument. I couldn't help it and lost my head. Its easy for somebody to tell me I must just make an effort to remember, but when you are me, you know that you try, maybe not as hard as you should, but you try nonetheless to remember whatever was told to you. My parents don't get that, and pin it down to laziness. Maybe it is, but then again maybe it isn't. I told my parents that I will make the extra effort. One month later, I honestly have tried pretty damn hard. Nearly every day I try remember to clean the pool, and thus far I have done so nearly every day. Unfortunately I haven't managed every day because I did still forget the old day. Point of the matter is, my parents asked me to try, and try I did.

Back to this evening, an argument eventually broke out between us. Well to me it was more of a heated discussion and not an argument. What gets brought up? The fact that I'm lazy and forget to skim the pool. Now obviously in all fairness, I will get defensive because I KNOW I have made the effort to do what I was told, even though I never got an A+ for it. So I raise my objection, I missed doing it once this week. Then my dad as an example, casually says "I always have to phone you to remind you. The one time I called Mark (my brother) to remind him to do it, and he was already outside doing it." I couldn't help it. I took that a bit sourly, because it really felt like my dad was rubbing it in my face that my brother is capable and I'm not. So I lost my cool a little, which granted I cannot justify, but it happened nonetheless. I raised my voice, and all hell broke loose. Yelling happened in a 2 v 1 fashion. Me vs my parents. My mom throwing in her useless chirps every now and then.

You know, I really am not the kind of guy to go out EVERY weekend. I really do enjoy being at home with my parents and just knowing they are around makes me happy. So I brought this to my dads attention, saying I could be just like every other kid my age and go out, party, do drugs, etc.

"OH! You're such a saint for NOT doing it and not being like every other kid"

"I'm not perfect, but you could have landed up with a hell of a lot worse for a kid."

"Yeah you're not perfect"

"I know, I'm a shit son."

"Yes you are"

Wow. That didn't suck at all. I was gob smacked, and stormed out. I didn't want to be at home anymore. There is a 7-9 year age gap between me and my older siblings. They are PERMANENTLY out over the weekends. It just honestly feels like my parents have nobody else (especially my mom) to target, so I'm option number one when I'm home. As much as I love my older brother, it really feels like he gets away woth so much at home. My sister and I constantly argue with my mom, and he gets away with murder while we get accused of small things. Anyways, that is besides the point.

I can never leave my house in a rage. There have been so many times when I have argued with my mom and I'm just like "I'M GOING TO LEAVE WITHOUT SAYING BYE!" but I always say bye just before I leave, because I feel like I should. Today was it. I got dressed, grabbed my laptop and stormed out the backdoor. I heard my dad calling my name just before the door clicked closed. It was dark and I just wanted to lock the door behind me and leave. I fumbled for the key, knowing my dad was probably coming to pull the door open and confront me. Even though I knew he was coming, I still jumped when he pulled the door open.

"Where are you going?" he asked, but I heard a bit of a softness to his voice. I couldn't help it, and I burst into tears. I told him I didn't know, but I just wanted to leave. He told me to come back inside so we could talk. Big mistake. I went back inside, and the soft talking turned back to yelling in the blink of an eye. The outcome? He told me he will never ask me to do anything for him again, he will let me be my own boss. I was just like :-? What solution is that? I'm not even asking for that. I left.

And here I am, sitting at Lulu's. The awesome 24 hour coffee shop my friends and I come to every bow and then. I'm glad I didn't bump into anybody,I was still uber depressed when I got here and I still am. At least I feel a bit better, having gotten all of that out of the way. By the time I get home my parents will probably be sleeping, and will probably be very sour to me over the next few days.

In all of the above, that is from my perspective, so it might seem like I am right, or sound like I am egging my side of the story on. I probably am, and if my parents had blogs, they would probably write their own version of how they interpreted the evening. Maybe I am blind, and I have issues, which is why I argue lots with my parents.

Not to mention that I was already upset earlier on in the day with Amber. She wants me for some college project she is doing. She needs to film me doing some random stuff to she can animate me. So before she got to my house today we chatted over gtalk. She told me I had been a bit "offish" lately. I was just like O_o? I didn't quite know what to say, maybe I had been offish to her, but thats because I have my own issues I'm going through, and the fact is she is way confusing.

She arrived at my house later and she seemed tired. She didn't want to do her college work anymore so I said ok, lets do it some other time. We ended up going to Bedford for lunch. Things seemed ok, we made some small talk, I stared at her when she wasn't looking, realising how sickening the thought of losing her makes me feel. It made me feel even worse thinking that she probably doesn't feel the same about me, because she never really made eye contact with me much, and kept looking anywhere else but me. After the meal I was strongly reminded of the other day when I went to her house to fetch the Wii. This is the last place she wanted to be and she seemed bored to death. She went very quiet, and I didn't really know what else to bring up to talk about. Do you still like me? Are you over me? Is there somebody else? Whats the story. I don't know. I paid and we left. We like honestly barely spoke all the way to my house. She asked me to turn her car around so it would be easy for her to leave (we were in her car not mine) I was like :-? are you leaving now? Then she said yeah she is tired. I just went quiet. I kept telling myself that when I hugged her goodbye, I was going to tell her I love her, even if she or I don't quite get it. I turned the car around, we hugged briefly, she got in her car. I missed the opportunity. I hoped she would open the window to say bye. She never did, and just drove off. *sigh* I was so sad. She doesn't seem to like spending time with me anymore

Granted, maybe she was tired... I went inside and was on my pc playing games. She sat on gtalk all afternoon through to the evening. Some nap she had O_o

Yet again, maybe Amber has her own story, and this tells it from my side, I'm probably the dick, being all insecure or hopeful about her, or whatever. I'm gonna chill here at Lulu's till I feel better, then going to go home, sleep, and feel better tomorrow morning. Sorry if this post is emo, they have to be posted ever now and then, I'm only human after all.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Dear Dairy, My Milk is Sour

The milk has gone off! Well not really in any case, It just seemed a sporting sort of way to start this blog because I don't really know what I am going to write about.

I pulled up all the information I need about studying next year, made some phone calls and so on. All I need to do is fill out some forms (only a mere 16 of them :O!) and drop them off at the varsity. I'm a little confused as the last time I studied I needed to do a kind of aptitude test or whatever it is called. Not this time it seems :-? cut off date is end of October so I do have some time if some random requirements "pop-up" out of nowhere, I will have time to get it done.

So work... what is that again? You know you aren't doing anything much when your boss jokes with you about you being "jobless" at the moment. I laughed along nervously with her at the office today, but she reassured me that the position I am filling is very real and that I must hang tight and help out with other work where I can. The guy who normally does the long distance travelling is getting married this weekend... so wonder who will be doing all the travelling next week :x

As predicted, Amber and I are going through that "O_o" stage again. I see her, but it's like casual hi there ok thanks bye. I got a tad irritated with her the other day. I left my Wii at her place a few weeks ago and I have been meaning to pick it up. So she sms'd me reminding me and I was like "Ok cool, I will fetch it and maybe spend some time with her." So I rocked up at her place, packed it away while talking crap to her then... nothing. I mean nothing as in I sat down just to spend time with her and chat, but she looked bored out of her skull O_o I was maybe waiting for her to suggest we watch tv or something but the suggestion never came, so I took it that she just wanted me to leave. So I announced that I was leaving, maybe expecting a response of, "Oh so soon?" because I mean, I had only been there like 15 minutes. Nope... instead her response was, "Ok." So I was like O_O and I said, "I bet you can't wait for me to leave..." she casually replied, "No." The tone of her voice suggested otherwise. So I got up and left in a bit of a rush, wondering if she would say anything. She never did. It's just annoying I guess, I hope this stage passes like it normally does, but I simply fear that it doesn't and things remain the way they are, which I hate -_-

At this point in my life I must admit I am feeling super lonely. Feels like I rarely see friends, spend my life wasting away doing nothing, and well, yeah. This yearly cycle repeats itself quite normally with Amber and I it seems. I keep telling myself to be patient, thinks will work themselves out, but at the end of the day, time drags its sweet ass time. Where will I be in 1,2,5 years from now? Guess I will just need to wait and see... be "patient" as people always advise

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Dear Blog. I Present To You, My First Script :D

========================================================
1. INT. OUTSIDE AREA WITH LOTS OF GREENERY- DAY

JOHNSON, BERNARD, PATRICIA and BERNICE arrive at youth camp laden with lots of bags slung around them. They walk a short way down a path, being led by a youth leader (THOMAS). THOMAS stops at a doorway.

THOMAS
This is your room guys

BERNARD, carrying loads of bags with his luggage, drops to the ground in a heap on top of his bags.

BERNARD
(panting)
Th...Tha...Thank goodness.

Everybody laughs at BERNARD. THOMAS takes the opportunity to pass on some wisdom.

THOMAS
I hope you guys only brought what you really need, stuff like alcohol, drugs, or anything else you know that would generally be disallowed, is not going to be tolerated.

JOHNSON looks extremely guilty and casually throws one of his bags into a nearby bush as THOMAS starts unlocking the door for them. BERNARD quickly shoots to his feet and throws one of his bags into the bush too. They shoot a guilty look at the girls and nod their heads to the bush, hinting that perhaps they follow suit.

BERNICE
(Whispers)
What? We wouldn’t bring anything bad along, our bags are just full of clothes.

PATRICIA nods her head in agreement. BERNARD sticks out his hands, offering to carry some bags for the girls. BERNICE and PATRICIA smile, handing him each a bag of theirs. He takes each and casually throws them into the bush next to his and JOHNSONS bags. The girls mouths drop in shock while JOHNSON and BERNARD snigger. All this time THOMAS has been still fiddling with the lock and finally gets it open, not knowing what happened behind his back.

THOMAS
Enjoy guys. Lunch will be at 1pm, you are free till then. Come along girls.

JOHNSON and BERNARD walk into their room still smiling, while the girls, unable to do anything about what just happened, are forced to follow THOMAS.

1. INT. PATHWAY LEADING TO GIRLS ROOMS

THOMAS is busy leading the girls, BERNICE and PATRICIA, to their rooms down another pathway.

BERNICE
(whispers urgently)
We need to get our bags quick. Let’s let Thomas show us our room, then we can go fetch them.

PATRICIA nods her head in agreement. THOMAS reaches their room, and unlocks the door and turns to talk to them.

THOMAS
This is yours girls. You’ll be pleased to know your rooms are far better than the guys.

PATRICIA
Thank goodness. It’s nice to know they kept the better rooms for the better mannered people.

THOMAS
What?

PATRICIA
(guilty)
Nothing.

THOMAS
(confused)
Well ok... Remember that you are free till about 1pm. That gives you about 2 hours free time.

THOMAS leaves the girls and walks away. The girls enter their room.

Black screen flashes saying “FIVE MINUTES LATER” the girls leave their room and start walking.

BOOMING VOICE VOICEOVER MAN
And thus the girls began their long precarious journey to collect their bags from the boys.

Black screen flashes saying “FIVE MINUTES LATER”. The girls are walking through an area with lots of trees, panting as if they have walked a huge distance.

BERNICE
(slightly stressed)
Where exactly are we?

PATRICIA
(equally exasperated)
I think we walked to far, we must be out of bounds.

OPTIONAL a wolf howls in the background.

INT. OUTSIDE THE BOYS DORM

BERNARD and JOHNSON check if the coast is clear and sneak up to the bush that their bags and the girls bags are hiding in. BERNARD grabs the girls bags, planning on keeping them in their room in the meantime till they can give them back to the girls. JOHNSON on the other hand can’t contain his curiousity.

JOHNSON
Let’s see what the girls had in here.

BERNARD
Dude thats dodgy, girls bags are like sanctuaries that were never meant for our eyes.

JOHNSON
But surely you would like to know why girls pack so much?

BERNARD keeps quiet. JOHNSON smirks and starts to unzip one of the bags. Just then THOMAS walks into the scene, JOHNSON and BERNARD obviously did not see them coming.

THOMAS
What you guys up to?

JOHNSON
(jumps in surprise and stammers)
n... n... no... nothing!

THOMAS
What you got there?

THOMAS approaches the bag and peaks inside. He is surprised and pulls out a girl’s makeup kit.

THOMAS
(With authority)
What is this? Plan on doing some make up on people who are sleeping tonight???

JOHNSON and BERNARD, gobsmacked, mouth inaudible words. BERNARD eventually finds his voice

BERNARD
(urgently)
It’s not ours, the girls accidentally left their bags here. We were just going to take it to them.

THOMAS raises his eyebrows, half believing the story.

THOMAS
Oh? Well I’d love to know why you planned on opening it. I want you to come with me and give it back to them so you can apologize.

They all walk up the path towards the girl’s room and out of the scene. Another black screen flashes saying “FIVE MINUTES LATER”. PATRICIA and BERNICE arrive at the boys room, they just missed them walking away with THOMAS. They clearly look tired yet relieved that they found their way back to the pathway. BERNICE approaches the bush and pulls out the remaining two bags.

PATRICIA
(annoyed)
Those aren’t ours.

BERNICE
(sighs)
They must have taken ours and forgot about theirs for some reason.

BERNICE knocks on the door to no response. She shrugs her shoulders

BERNICE
Well I guess we just keep their bags hostage until we can trade at a later stage.

BERNICE and PATRICIA carry the boys bags out of scene.

INT. Outside the girls room

THOMAS and the boys walk to the door. THOMAS knocks at the door. BERNARD and JOHNSON shuffle their feet nervously and full of guilt. THOMAS tries again to no response. Just then the girls walk into the scene, chatting. The boys turn around and see what bags the girls are carrying. The boys eyes grow wide as they realise what is in the bags of theirs. THOMAS turns around and see’s the girls.

THOMAS
Oh there you are girls. We were just looking for you.

THOMAS points at the bags he is carrying (the girls bags). The girls seem relieved that their bags are safe. THOMAS see’s the bags that the girls are carrying.

THOMAS
What bags are those?

BERNARD
Those are ou...

BERNICE
(trying to cover up for the guys)
Oh these? We just found these on the way back.

BERNARD realised that he nearly gave himself away and keeps quiet. THOMAS catches on even though BERNICE tried to cover up.

THOMAS
Do these belong to you boys?

BERNARD and JOHNSON ashamedly nod their heads. THOMAS puts the girls bags down and sticks his hand out for the boys bags. The girls hand them over reluctantly. Thomas bends down on his haunches and unzips the bag. His eyes grow wide and he pulls out a bottle of alcohol.

THOMAS
Guys, what is this?

The guys look guilty and keep quiet. THOMAS opens up a bottle, smells it and sips it. He looks surprised. He digs into the bag and pulls out another bottle. He does the same thing and sips another bottle. He starts laughing to himself. Everybody looks at each other confused.

THOMAS
This is water guys. You smuggled in water with these alcohol bottles?

JOHNSON looks at BERNARD, irritated.

JOHNSON
Water? Your dads prized alcohol collection is actually bottles filled with water?

BERNARD shrugs his shoulders.

BERNARD
We filled up the bottles with water and put them back after we drank them on the last camp we went on?

Awkward silence...

JOHNSON
This is true.

The girls giggles at the boys silliness. THOMAS smirks, says stern words.

THOMAS
I can’t punish you for something you did on the last camp, because I don’t have proof. And obviously I can’t punish you for carrying water in your bags, although their containers you carry them in are rather unusual. So I will just let this slide, just this time.

JOHNSON and BERNARD breathe a sigh of relief and bow at THOMAS ‘feet, thanking him.

THOMAS
However, judging by the fact that the girls had the guys bags, and the guys had the girls bags, I can only assume you were snooping around in each other’s rooms. Guys in girls rooms and vice versa is unacceptable.

EVERYBODY tries to object, saying that they were not in anybody else’s room. THOMAS raises his voice above everybody’s

THOMAS
It’s too late for excuses now, the evidence is clear. I’m going to have to put all of you on kitchen duty tonight.

Black screen flashes. “And the Moral of the story is?”
A long pause, then another screen flashes “We hope you packed light.”
========================================================

Sorry, I understand it may be a bit tough to read here, it was nicely layed out in my Word document :P we shoot this Saturday :) I will try upload a video somewhere if I can. This is to be a video for the youth camp coming up in September :D

Friday, August 27, 2010

LOL @ Bernard and Johnson

AH! Its after 1am here by me. I am sitting at a pool table, busy typing on my teeny weeny laptop. I'm currently at Gruff's house if you are wondering. He and Hanru (one of his friends from college) are busy doing work here, and I decided to come join them and keep them company. In doing so, I couldn't exactly sit and twiddle my thumbs, so I decided to get some work of my own done.

There is a youth camp coming up in September over a long weekend. The youth camp I went to at the beginning of the year, made a really cool video explaining all the rules of the camp to follow. That was a huge youth camp consisting of lots of youths combined. This camp coming up is solely for our youth. We have decided to do a fun video too, explaining all the rules and such. At the recent youth meeting, I volunteered to write the script for it. Robs, a friend of mine is currently at AFDA (a film college) in her third year, and she gave me some material to help me write a proper script. It all seemed confusing at first, and after 4 failed attempts at a decent opening scene, I finally found something that works with me. It has some comedy, while hinting at the rules of the camp without being IN YOUR FACE. I am far from finished, but it feels good to finally be thinking creatively again and getting something out of my system in terms of writing. Perhaps I will put up the script and video up here when it is done and finalised (and also if I like my final script :P).

At the moment I am deciding on UJ or WITS to study next year. Decisions out of high school or scary... but at the age of 22, life decisions are still scary O_O

I am so keen to carry on writing my books... and so many other things. If only I had the motivation and non laziness -_- lets hope this is the start of that.

I haven't read a book for months, but recently I got a new phone with the Android operating system on it. I found me an e-reader and I can download any book I can think of. I have already finished a book this week and don't plan to stop. Its just so convenient to read on your phone, anywherem anytime, without having to lug a physical book around with you. So lets hope this reading will stir my creative juices too.

Thats all for now, nothing about Amber at the moment :P kthxbye

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

:x !!!

SILENCE!

This week is going it be random and empty just like the last week. Work is kind of annoying the crap out of me at the moment. I am meant to be doing my new job, but I cannot do so until I get my training. My boss tells me that we are waiting on Microsoft to get back to us. So at the moment, I am wasting my life at home, only working when I get called to do favours or whatever. It's highly irritating. You may think "but you get paid to do nothing then?" Maybe... but am I even getting paid to do nothing? Logically in my head yes I am, because my boss hasn't said anything to me about no pay this month. I just don't know what exactly I am getting this month. Probably my same old salary. It's just annoying me how my parents are on my case about it and there is nothing I can do.

For your entertainment I have decided to provide you a link to a minigame: http://www.miniclip.com/games/balance/en/

I laughed when I played it :P it's so random.

Today I had a productive day in my opinion. I didn't get called in by work today so I had time to kill today. I ended up getting some reading done, doing some shopping, sorting out my tax and now even writing. Sounds like nothing really, but considering that these spare games get wasted entirely to gaming, its quite something in my eyes :) Unfortunately the remainder of the day fell to gaming so it was half a successful productive day :P

I haven't seen Amber forever. Didn't get to see her this weekend. I called her last week just to say hello. We didn't chat very long, but hearing her voice and her laugh was more then enough for me. Her laugh always makes me laugh because its so infectious. Anyhow I thought she was going to be busy all weekend so didn't make any plans to see her or any alternate forms of transport just in case. Come sunday i went with my parents to a family lunch, but I didn't take my own car. Murphy's Law STRIKES... she sms's me saying she got some work done and was keen for a movie or something. I'm like -_- because I had no way of getting to her as I was not in my own car. I told her I couldn't make it. So guess I will just have to wait for this weekend where I can maybe see her. Maybe I'll go surprise her with chocolate or something this week.

She just put up a new profile picture of herself and it still surprises me how amazing she looks O_o and considering I haven't seen her for like 10 days I'm all like <3! Haha thats weird I guess... I decided to click the like button and not leave some comment on how amazingly beautiful she looks. I made my status ":x !!!" because I was just going to shoosh and not say anything about her picture. Surprise surprise she commented on my status saying hello? Ah man... I wonder if she knows it's because of her.

I don't think this post is making sense :) but it's ok! Less then 3 (According to Sage ^_^)

Friday, August 20, 2010

The Ticker is Running out of Ticks :O

ALLO!

I know I have been super scarce, more scarce then Unobtanium to the humans in Avatar, but it's ok I'm sure you didn't miss me much :)

I won't deny being super lazy as of late, I just think about writing and I'm like na... not right now. Not because I hate it, more just because I don't feel like it right now at this second. But then I wake up every morning realising how much I dislike my job and how much I want to get out of there and I realise that maybe it's time to stop being lazy and time to start thinking about my career and my future. This leads me to writing of course, because I will do that next year. I have given up on trying to find a creative writing degree or course, I will just have to settle for journalism and hope that it is everything I have hoped for. I can always go to WITS or UJ (two universities here in Johannesburg) but I have been checking out the communication degree at Boston City Campus which is a college nearby. My brother studied there and thats all I know about the place. At the end of the day though I think I need to apply to UJ. I need to be super focused, because if I stuff that up, then where the hell am I going with my life? You don't need a degree to be an author, but I'm pretty sure that having some kind of theory and link to the writing for a living community will greatly aid me. I have until the end of September to enroll. Time, she is running short.

Not that you would know, but my parents were away for the past 3.5 weeks and got back two days ago. Generally I miss them when they are away (this is a now annual thing, them travelling to family overseas) but this year I don't know... It just felt different. One evening I was sitting here in the study and I just realized how empty the house feels without them, and it made me think of them dying one day, it wasn't pleasant O_o my parents aren't allowed to die, I need them... I don't like this feeling of an empty house.

As you may have remembered I mentioned in March or so how Amber seems to go through a cycle with me, where sometimes we are all close and others she feels scarce. I know she is mostly scarce due to college, but my predictions were right, and she is scarce -_- bleh.

WEEEEEEEEEEEEH

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Too Lazy To Think Up A Title

Something seems to be wrong with me as of late. I don't know if it has to do with me just being pure lazy or honestly not having anything to write. Perhaps it is this weather and I just don't find the energy to get around to writing. All I know is that I really have been slacking lately, which isn't good.

I find myself getting increasingly agitated with work, as I just want my new postion to open up so I can get started. I finally have a bit more of a time frame in which it will be happening. Next week we have somebody who will be taking over my current job, I will be training them next week. The week therafter will be when I start my new position. I still don't ENTIRELY know what or how it will work, but the change will do me good.

At the end of the day, I don't plan on working next year, so whether this job is crappy or not, I still know that I really don't want to be part of my company that much longer. I have indirectly decided on journalism in my head, but that may change if something else catches my eye. All I need to do now is decide where to do it. There are the two universities which I know are awesome, but I think I would really love to study at a college. I have been to varsity and it was really nice, but I know I can easily get lazy because no lecturer really pays attention to your progress. But *sigh* I need to stop being lazy... seriously.

I have articles to write, ideas I want on paper, 3 books to work on, and yet... nothing O_o I don't really know if its me being incapable of writing, or me just being lazy.

Ah well at the end of the day, its nearly weekend :) I miss my parents, I won't lie. I hope they are having an awesome time!

Sunday, July 25, 2010

I'm Surprised Every Time!

I can't believe its Sunday already. I hate how the week can simply take forever to drag on, but as soon as its weekend its like FWOOP and before you know it, it's nearly over! I suppose that the week does consist of 5 days and the weekend only consists of 2, so its no use complaining of how its illogical that the weekend is so short :P

My parents are now away for three weeks. They have done it for the last few years now, but this year I don't know... something is different. Surprisingly, from the day they left, I have really been missing them. Like obviously I would miss them, but as soon as I got back from being out on the evening they left, the house just felt so empty. It was weird! I can't quite place my finger on it, but maybe its just me finally appreciating them a little bit, which should change to appreciating them a lot.

On friday after youth, Cassidee (a friend of mine) was teasing me and telling me how she wanted me to be incorporated into her family, so I should marry one of her cousins. I was like no... your brother could just marry one of my cousins and we could indirectly be family. She kept teasing and insisting, and I was like NO :P anyways the next day I went to church in the evening with Gruff. As we were leaving, I was walking out with Amber and Dave. Amber had not been at youth the night before. As we neared the exit I said by to Cass, and she waved and said "remember that the offer still stands!" I laughed and told her "no I'm still not going to marry one of your cousins!" Amber asked me what she meant by marrying her cousins and why? I told her that she wants me to marry a cousin of hers so we could be family. Amber surprised me by looking sad and drooping her lower lip, Dave was commenting about it and looking the other way. Then out of nowhere Amber put her arm through mine and squeezed me, whispering that I am only allowed to marry her one day, or something along those lines, I can't remember her exact words. It just made me smile because, we all know Amber confuses a lot, but to say something like that was just an unexpected and pleasant surprise to me. I don't know if it sounds lame, but I don't care :P you're not me.

One more week until the end of the month.... eeeek!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

All By Myself :O

10 days since my last blog. Not the greatest start to this whole "getting into my blog again thing" but hey I'm trying.

My parents are going away tomorrow for the next three weeks to Madeira. They will be spending some time in Portugal, but mostly in Madeira. I'm glad they have made it into a yearly thing of theirs, because they really do deserve a yearly break because they work super hard the rest of the year through.

This in turn means that they will not be home which is pretty cool. Not that I am not going to miss them, but the time away from them is also pretty cool. This means some added chores to me but thats not the end of the world. My sister always looks after me and my brother so well when they are away anyways, so I'm looking forward to the break time from them as I'm sure they are looking forward to the break time from us :P

I'm awaiting the first of next month to see if this promotion is for real or not. I have this nasty feeling that its going to fall through, but I guess I will just have to wait and see.

I am going out with Gruff and amber tonight to an exhibition of work from their college. the work consists mainly of second and third years apparently. Quite keen so see what they have done :)

I WILL BE BACK!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Shin Guards Are Lame

In all honestly I am too pooped to write, but I am forcing this out of me quickly, because I need to get into this habit again.

My new position at my company, if all goes well, should be starting on the first of next month :D new position with way better perks over cons, not to mention a nice raise, really really appeals to me, at least until I study next year in which case I can return to being a poor student with no money. Dang thats going to be a tough adjustment.

I hope I never have to eat my own words... but something has changed in Amber. She is starting to really act like she cares for me with small actions that I am not used to from her so frequently. Usually I just take it as "She's in one of those moods where she wants to show affection" but instead those moods seem to be quite frequent now. It always comes as a surprise to me when we are driving around together, and she puts her hand on my leg and lets me put fingers between hers. The other day she was at my house and as soon as I dropped her off back home she sms'd me apologizing for her off mood. I was like huh? Because I could not detect any sort of off mood from her at all O_o normally if she was in an off mood she wouldn't say anything and just leave it be. For the first time ever, purely out of coincidence, she ended up sitting for dinner at my house with me, cousins and my parents. I was so nervous, expecting it to be tense and awkward, especially seeing as on this day of ALL my moms awesome cooked meals, she chose to make Vegetable soup -_- I was like *sigh* of all the things to offer Amber on her first proper close family sit down dinner. Amber had soup and she said it was honestly really nice. She amazes me O_O I am not saying she is bad mannered in any form, but she's just been really really REALLY outstanding in the way she has been acting lately. It's something that I hope remains regular, but if not I will not feel any differently about her. I just hope I never have to eat my words.

I played soccer today and my knee hurts like crap. Shin pads are not required it seems, knee kicking is the new thing. Knee guards are first on my to buy list when I go shopping.

GOODNIGHT! :P

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Don't You Hate It When Things Just Blur And Fly By??

Damn... I have been on leave for the last 3 weeks, and in the blink of an eye it is nearly finished. Tomorrow is the final, Spain Vs Holland. Few people banked on either team, but don't ever count out the "underdog". If you put your spirit and heart into anything, then anything is possible :)

I will admit, I planned on writing a hell of a lot these holidays, but unfortunately laziness just got the better of me. Looking back at my leave now I wonder what exactly I did that was worthwhile? Nothing at all... Just a break from reality and time spent with family and friends. I spent a lot of time these holidays with Amber, which I am grateful for because even though she hurt me during the start of it all, I missed her when she was at college. I am trying to be as cautious as possible obviously, because we all know that sometimes she seems in love with me and others it she can just be like whatever. I have had cousins staying over with me all week, so I couldn't really spend time with her alone, but it felt so nice the other day when she sms'd me to tell me she misses me, something that hasn't happened in eons. What bothers me now though is that she goes back to college on Monday, as does Gareth. So they will be dropping off the face of the planet until like Decemeber at least O_o not amped for it at all.

I don't know if I told you guys yet, but I got promoted at work just before my leave took effect? Well I did :) about time... I'm kind of dreading Monday, because thats when my new position starts. Whether I hate it or love it doesn't matter though. I looked up some courses this holiday, and I may be studying Journalism next year :D at least thats option A for now, going to look up some English Literature courses too and see what thats like and what it offers. So many choices I have delayed and delayed further... I am kind of nervous now though, the end of the year will come in the blink of an eye soon.

I will be catching up on any blogs I have missed during my leave, but know that I should be back and blogging frequently again :) missed it.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Youth Day!

Hi Guise!

It has been a long time since I have written! I have been so super busy with work and other odds and ends that I just never got around to writing much. That and the fact that I didn't particularly feel like writing for a while because I knew all I would do is moan and write useless ramblings. I feel more in the writing mood now so here we go :P

Work has been super duper crazy this week and last. The launch of Microsoft Office 2010 happened this week so that typically cause dpanic and stress at the office seeing as we have to rollout all the point of sale. Throw into the equation that there was a public holiday (Youth Day) this week (Which is actually today mind you) and you have a super busy week. Lets not forget that the world cup is currently taking place. That bundles with schools on holiday which = busy malls. I am going to watch Argentina play South Korea tomorrow and I am so excited for it!!! Due to that though, I swapped my public holiday with tomorrow so I could have the day off. So I ended up working today which was irritatingly annoying because who the hell works on a public holiday? It was all worth it though, seeing as I have tomorrow off. South Korea beat Greece 2-0. I watched that game and was very impressed with the way the Koreans played, so I'm very keen to see them play Argentina :D YAY! I reckon that tomorrow or sometime I will try blog out some of the scores and a general summary of the forst set of games that have been played. The upsets, surprises, disappointments and so on. I'm sure Chello will read it and tell me I'm wrong about lots of it but oh well :)

South Africa are playing Uruguay tonight! the opening game was great, and even though we didn't win, a draw was decent enough. Out of the group I want Mexico and South Africa to go through anyways, so a draw doesn't really bother me. Lets just hope that both South Africa and Mexico can sort out France and Uruguay (who also had a 0-0 draw so the whole group is on 1 point at the moment) I am going to a fan park with my siblings and friends tonight so I'm quite amped for the atmosphere and vibe. I must say that I am so happy with South Africa as a country at the moment. All the tourists who are here seem to be having a blast of a time and they comment on what a friendly nation we are. I hope they go home and recommend us to their family and friends, because media can totally distort a view of a place, and I'm pretty sure most of the media overseas are moaning about one or other thing here. Oh well, thats my rant for this blog. Good luck SA! Do us proud!

Me -> out

Friday, June 4, 2010

This Is the Part Where You Can be Like "I TOLD YOU SO!"

Hi Guys

I'm just warning you that today's blog is absent of rainbows and butterflies, puppies and kittens, and all those other nice things that make us go "Awwwwwwwww..." Instead it is filled with anger and sadness, annoyance and more sadness, and all those other stupid things that make us go "Sigh..." YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! Full rant ahead.

Yesterday I got an sms from Robs, inviting me to dinner with her and Amber. I decided to skip the dinner part and just meet them for coffee afterwards. I got to Bedford Square, and met up with Amber, Robs, Clare, and Liz. I was like :O I'm the only guy what the hell. Anyways I got over that and we all ordered our drinks. Amber ordered a cocktail which I think was a Strawberry Daiquiri. It was her birthday the next day, so her and Robs wanted to go do something until midnight to celebrate. I didn't mind going along, because I didn't haver work the next day. They wanted to go to CCHQ, which isn't really a club in certain ways, but they play loud music, have a dance floor, and a bar loaded with alcohol, so I guess it is a club at the end of the day. Some of our friends we don't see very often hang out there, so we kind of expected to see them there. I was skeptical about it, and I held my tongue because afterall, I last saw Amber 3 weeks ago and
I damn sure as hell wanted to be there to celebrate with her. Also if I didn't go, they probably wouldn't have gone either because there would be no male with them, so I didn't want to let Robs or Amber down.

So Robs dropped her car off at home, and I picked her and Amber up from there. We headed over to CCHQ and parked outside. The first thing that they noticed was a car outside. Amber asked if it was Rudi's car in front of us. In my head I was just hoping it wasn't, because Rudi is Amber's ex boyfriend, and I can't help but suspect that she still likes him. We walked inside and one of our friends Cleo, nearly did a back flip and couldn't stop yelling when she saw us. You must understand, Amber, Robs and I aren't huge clubbers or anything, so this really was the biggest surprise to her. Emma and Jeanne were also there, so once again, I was the only guy. Cleo worked there, so she left us to do our own thing and Emma and Jeanne stayed with her.

Robs, Amber and I headed to the bar to get something to drink. I have NO problem with drinking, I really don't. I just hate it when people go out of their way to get as drunk as possible, that just irritates me. We all orded something, Robs and I a Smirnoff Spin, and Amber a Red Square. We just sat and surveyed the surroundings. I laughed at them and teased them because they weren't as used to being out at clubs like I was (not that I'm a clubber, but I have had my fair share of experiences.) To this day I have still not been drunk, due to the fact that I have a high alcohol tolerance, the fact that I know enough is enough, and the fact that I pace myself. Amber finished her Savannah and I asked her if she wanted anything else, probably very stupid of me. She wanted a red Square. Robs and I were barely half done with our first drinks.

Out of nowhere Kyle and Rudi popped up and came to say hi to us. Amber used to have a crush on Kyle, and even when we were dating, she told me that one time she wanted to kiss him, not a very nice thing to hear. I know Amber, I am convinced she likes Rudi still. Normally I think she would have better control of herself, but she has a very low alcohol tolerance, so it was all mixing up in her system already. Maybe I was being paranoid, but she couldn't keep her eyes off of him. I stomached it and ignored it. Robs and I finished our drink, and Amber asked me for another. It was the last drink I was going to buy her (or so I thought) She was on her 3rd drink already, we had only had one.

The night went on, and I really can't blame Amber for wanting to just let loose, because the last time she had fun and time to do anything was her LAST holiday. She had just broken up so she was enjoying herself as much as possible. That and the fact that it was her birthday in an hour or so. Kyle and Rudi disappeared off somewhere, and whether she was aware of it or not, Amber kept asking where they were. Not to mention that very often Amber would just leave me and Robs without saying anything, and just disappear off to chat to Cleo and co, or to just vanish. If I remember correctly, Kyle bought her a Jagerbomb in celebration of her birthday. Robs and I watched her drink it and we both secretly agreed that maybe she should stop now.

Amber asked me if she could have another Red Square. I offered her a coke. She just looked at me and said if not a Red Square could she try something else? I told her that I wasn't buying her anything else other then a coke. She looked like she got upset, said don't worry then, and then she walked away.I was like ok...

I was ordering drinks for me and Robs. I ordered myself a Red Square, and Robs a coke. Amber materialised behind me again and just stood there. I ignored her and took a sip out of the Red Square as soon as it came, just to let her know it was mine and not hers. She saw that and vanished again -_-

It was nearly her birthday, so we were all just waiting. Midnight came, all the girls started screaming like girls do when they get overexcited about certain things, and everybody wished her. She came up to me and asked me if I was still going to buy her that tequila. I sighed, remembering that I said I would buy her one for her birthday. We went to the bar and had one. Before we walked back to the others, she looked around, hugged me quickly and then kissed me. She then walked away.

The rest of the night passed by at a snails pace. All I wanted to do was go home. Amber had stopped asking me for drinks, but it didn't help that she was getting drinks from other friends -_- eventually she headed outside with Kyle to go chill with Rudi and other people outside (they were drinking around the corner) I stomached this too and just let it be. Robs and I chilled inside, letting Amber do her own thing. Eventually Robs asked if maybe we should leave. I agreed because I wanted to leave too. We went outside to find Amber sitting between Kyle and Rudi. I just wished she was more considerate, because my word it was upsetting me a lot, but again I just said to myself its her birthday, let her do what she wants. We told her we were leaving and she was like ok... I also told her that she was coming with us because she was my responsibility. She just looked at me and told me she needed her keys from my car and she didn't want to leave, Kyle or Rudi would give her a lift home. I was like there is no F-ing way in hell I'm leaving her in their hands. Not a chance, jealousy and all that aside, there was no ways I was leaving her to them. She kept saying she wanted her keys and I lost my temper. I told her to come fetch her stupid keys and I walked away to my car which was around the corner. I had full intention to just leave her there then. I needed to get over her, maybe this is exactly what I needed. I got her stuff and started walking back. Kyle had already walked halfway to my car with her. Kyle was telling her to go home, enjoy what memories she had, before it got worse. She held out her hand for her keys, and I told her that I am not giving them to her. Robs, Rudi and Emma met up with us and Kyle asked around telling them to convince Amber to go home. They didn't say anything constructive, and Amber was beyond reasoning now because she was drunk. She asked for her keys again. I stared at her forever, before giving them to her and telling her she's not my responsibility. She told me she knows that. I stormed off, telling Robs that we're leaving. I got in the car, shaking. I'm not used to being angry like that. Ask anybody that knows me personally, I am the least angry person in the world, I have a hell of a lot of patience, but when a girl you care for that deeply, so immensely, practically tells you to fuck off, well I'm sorry that just doesn't go down with me at all.

Robs got in the car, and she was in tears. If its one thing that pissed me off is that yeah fine, Amber can treat me like shit because I'm nice enough to not hold it against her ever, but when she treats Robs like shit, Robs being a pure hearted, sensitive and loving friend, that just makes my blood boil even further. I started the car. I told Robs that I am taking her home and then I'm coming back for Amber, I just needed to vent and drive it off. Robs told me she didn't want to go home, the only reason she suggested it was because she wanted to take Amber with us, and get her away from this place. I sighed and agreed, saying I knew that, but Amber was being stupid. I turned the car off, and told her that we can go wait inside.

Amber and the others were waiting at the door to get back in. They looked surprised to see us back but didn't say anything. I looked at Amber, and she looked at me, we never took our eyes off each others for a long time. Then she turned and was about to walk back in. "Amber..." I pleaded. "Please lets go home." She turned and looked at me. "Dude..." she said, before shaking her head and just walking in. Robs and I stood there, then followed.

I walked past the dance floor to go to the bathroom. There, alone and dancing on the dance floor (by alone I mean she was alone with no friends around her, there were other people dancing) was Amber. Prior to this evening I had never seen Amber dance before in my life, she did earlier with us and her friends. Here she was dancing alone and not shy about it. Alcohol does strange things to confidence levels.

A long time passed... Robs and I just chilled on the couches, or walked around and chatted to other people. Amber was missing, I didn't know where the hell she was. I left it and didn't think about her, or at least tried not to. Eventually I asked Rudi where she was and he said he last saw her upstairs with Kyle. I fully expected them to be making out or something, but I know Kyle is better then that, and he knows my feelings for Amber, and he fully agrees that she can be way confusing. I was relieved to find them just leaning on the railing and chatting. Amber said that we could go home soon. I was like ok... for the life of me I can't remember what else she said, I really can't, but all I remember is losing it and yelling at her. The music was loud, so nobody other then Kyle and her could hear what I was saying. I told her that she was being selfish as usual, thinking about nobody but herself. I told her that although its her birthday it doesn't give her the right to act like this. I told her that she is drunk, and that she is being illogical. I said lots more, and I just let it out. I told her if I never told her, nobody else would ever have the balls to do so, and its something she needs to hear. She looked at me and said that now she's definitely not leaving. She leant on the railing and buried her head in her arms. I told her to stop acting like a flipping retard, before realizing that maybe that was a little harsh. I kept quiet. Kyle then told her that she should go home tonight, and that he and Rudi would party again with her sometime in the future. I sighed and shook my head at him, asking him to give me and Amber a moment. He nodded his head and made his way out. He told me he felt like an ass, and I told him not to worry it's not his fault. I just want to get her home.

I stood next to her and just waited. She looked up at me and told me that she knows she is selfish, but if she wanted to change she would have a long time ago. I told her that I don't expect her to change, I just expect her to be logical and come home. She changed.

Amber: "I don't know why you like me. I don't like you, I don't want to hook up with you, I don't want you to buy me drinks and I don't want to kiss you."

Me: "You don't? Thats strange, because you let me buy you a lot of drinks (my mistake) and you even kissed me."

Amber: "Yeah well. I only do it because I feel sorry for you."

Thats the last thing I expected to hear. That was a real low blow and it hurt. I just stood there, letting it sink in. "Where is Robs?" She asked. I didn't listen. I walked away and left her.

I was shaking again, fighting my hardest to hold my emotions in. I went to the entrance and stood with Robs and Kyle. Amber came down a few minutes later, looking like she was at least ready to go. A song came on and Robs asked Amber to dance. I sighed, because she was finally ready to go. Robs realised this and felt bad, but I told her not to worry, I'll be waiting at the entrance when they are done. It was just me and Kyle. I chatted to him. I always used to chat to Kyle about Amber when me and him did kickboxing together. He knows a lot about us, and he knows exactly how I feel about her. I told him what just happened and he shook his head. I also told him that this was probably exactly what I needed to get over her, because enough is enough. Surprisingly he looked shocked, because I doubt ever imagined me saying I'd get over Amber.

Robs and Amber to the entrance after their song. They said bye to everybody and went to my car. I was quiet. I didn't want to say anything. Nobody said anything as I drove. I dropped Robs off and then proceeded to take Amber home. She turned and stared at me. I didn't turn and ignored her. We got to her house and I took her house keys from her. As I was unlocking her front door she hugged me from behind. I ignored it and carried on unlocking. She went straight to the bathroom once in. I went to the couch and waited for her. I wish I could just be an asshole and tune her off, I really do. Its not in my nature, I just don't have it in me. She got out of the bathroom and walked into the lounge. I got up and told her to please let me out. She stood there. I walked, about to get past her and grabbed me and hugged me. I just stood there, not moving my arms at all. She didn't let go forever. I hate it, I wish I could just get over her. She looked up at me and kissed my cheek, before taking my hand and leading me to her room. Any other guy would tell her to piss off, but I'm not like that. Oh how I wish I was.

We went to her room and lay on her bed. She cuddled next to me and took my hand. She started writing out what I assumed was going to be "Im sorry" but she stopped and put my hand down. She then whispered that she was sorry. My response should have been "Like I care/Oh are you feeling sorry for me/screw you/etc" but instead all I could say was "Its ok." Wtf is wrong with me? I don't know...

Anyways we cuddled and slept, and I left at 5 this morning. I hope she doesn't now assume things are ok between us, because they are not. I lost interest in her, because I saw a different person last night. God help me get over her, please I'm begging you, because no matter how much she screws me over or says horrible things, I can't help but love her. Its a curse, and I hope it will go away.

About Me

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South Africa
BA English and Communication graduate. I like to write stuff!