Since You've Stuck Around

ERMAGERD! Two consecutive posts!

Well heres something unusual. We all know that I like to think that dreams really carry some sort of significance, and that if we could remember every tiny detail, we could possibly connect each scene in our dreams to something past, present or future. I seldom have nightmares, in fact I don't know when is the last time I had one. By nightmare I mean one of those dreams that has you stressing and waking up in a cold sweat. I haven't had one of those in years.

Last night I had a strange dream. My exams are over and done with, but I did stress quite a bit for my two communication exams. The results are out anytime now, and I dreamt that I failed one of my modules. It was a lot to study for that exam (although I did leave it a little late as usual) and after the exam I sat and calculated the marks I was pretty certain I had obtained. I think I was pretty sure of about 50% of the paper, the pass I needed. In my dream I got a silly 49% overall, 1% short of a pass. I was utterly disgusted.

Imagine my shock and utter joy that morning when I logged on to check if any marks had been released, and I see that I got a freaking 99% mark. This is for a written exam, something that I'm just like O_O about. I'm not posting this here to brag, but merely to illustrate that I am somehow capable of doing some impressive stuff if I put my mind to it. You may or may not know this, but I have next to no self confidence in some of my abilities, and this mark means more to me than people can understand. Not the numerical value, but the fact that I am capable, and I can do this.

Hell, I'm an english major, and I'm sure you've noticed that my writing is riddled with some horrible gramamr and typos. I doubt myself, wondering if I will ever be able to produce anything of value. English at varsity level isn't necassarily difficult, but its really difficult to get a really good mark. I got 71% overall for my one module, and that probably made me feel better than my 99% mark did.

I still have stories to tell and stories to write. I am 25, a quarter century, and my life has yet to take off. I will do it, I know I will. If all goes according to plan and I have passed all my outstanding modules, then I will have officially finished second year. One more year to go, as I embark on my third year of study. I'm capable, and that dream of an English and Communication Degree is within my grasp :) It will feel so good to be finished, so good to have it. My stories will be told, whether I have a silly piece of paper or not. I think its more for me though, to show myself that I am capable.