Monday, November 30, 2009

Hey Look! Its Story Time :O

Its less then a month away from christmas! Eeeek! How can this year have gone by so fast? I imagine that first thing next year I'm going to have to make one of those "What did I achieve in 2009" Lists. It may be blank or very, VERY short... oh well :P

So the biggest news I can share at the moment, is that If I can get my passport sorted out, I will then be spending Christmas in Madeira with Irene, Veronica and Jesse! (And other family that's there that I don't know too well :P) So i'm off to home affairs sometime this week to try get that sorted. Really hope I can go :D My dads paying for my ticket!!! What a winner!

Workwise, I really can't wait for my company to close for the holidays. That happens on the 16th of December and we stay closed until about the 6th if I'm not mistaken. I hope next year has something bigger for me, working at my company is so unforfilling -_- EGGS AND RICE BABY! :D

In terms of Amber, well, who really knows whats going on there :P I haven't really shared whats been happening with us since my last blog in which I got tricked because she kissed me, and then well, she didn't really have anything else to say about it. That honestly does feel like a life time ago, and I'm thinking that maybe one day I will have to blog it down because so SO much has happened in the last few weeks with her. 

If I had to sum up some of it now though, about a week after that kiss, I had one of the worst weeks I have ever had in my life (like, without trying to sound emo, or lame, it really really was... I don't know how I made it through that week O_o) Workwise, was difficult. My company does marketing and merchandising, and we were to launch Windows 7 in this week. I had to travel basically all over South Africa, doing lots of work everywhere. Spanning places like Vereeniging, Bloemfontein, Kimberley, Klerksdorp, etc. So there was lots of driving to be had :P 

Without giving too much away, I got one hour sleep between the Sunday night and Monday morning in which I was to leave. Amber and I spent all night talking and so on (not going to go into detail -_-) Anyways, en route to Vereeniging I check my FB and have a message from Amber. She said that she thinks its best if she avoids me for a while, and it would be best if I ignored her too. So naturally I was like "wth O_O" because I was all happy in thinking she was slowly falling in love with me again or something. So i conveyed my feelings, telling her to stop screwing me around and make up her mind. She then replied, telling me she was going to be honest with me. She told me that she was over me. 

Boy oh boy :) I though her dumping me last year was bad. I read that message over and over again (while driving - nearly at my destination) and upon getting to my destination, reading it even more. Here are pieces of it for you to read: 


I'm gonna be honest with you, even though that's hard for me, because all my beating around the bush always makes things worse. So here it goes:

I'm over you, but I do find it hard to not want to be with you sometimes...

I know that at a snap of my fingers you'll come crawling back. I hate that I can do that.

I hate that I have this 'power' over you because it gives me a huge responsibility which I shouldn't have and it's really a huge weight for me to carry...


I could feel a burning sensation running through my body, something I had never felt before. "I hate that I have this 'power' over." I read that and I was like what the heck??? The only reason you have this "power" over me, is because I'd do anything to make you happy! I'd never been more hurt in my life. Its like telling your kid you love him, and you act like it. Then you tell him that he was adopted and boot him out of your house and onto the street O_o (lol at bad figure of speech.) I had only had 1 hour of sleep, had the longest work day ahead of me, and I just had the girl of my dreams tell me that she doesn't have feelings for me anymore. You try having a job, where you have to talk to managers of stores, interact with sales staff, and be around lots of people. You try that, and try going a whole day with keeping a game face on, fighting your tears away, holding them back, trying NOT to think about what just happened... my word, it really REALLY sucked O_o I really, honestly don't know how I made it through that day, because just thinking about it now, I can't even imagine doing it again, it seems impossible.

So that was the monday, lots has happened since then... I wasn't actually going to go into such detail, but... the story is too long to tell all in one go :) So I think I'll do it in parts. I'll end this part here :P Kthxbye


  1. ... Can I be honest with you? That's a bit fucked dude.. sorry for swearing man but I think that that is a little bit... just when.. you know what? Forget it man... Power over you? I mean, WTF? It's like she doesn't give two shits about your feelings more like she's trying to spare hers? "a weight" she has to carry? "huge responsibility?" "snap of my fingers you'll come crawling back?" Wtf who died and made her your pimp? Sorry dude, I call it as I see it and this is more then possibly offensive, but OMG dude. WTF is up with that shit?

  2. Haha :) I know dude, I will never deny that Amber is the most confusing female I know :P and I've told her more then once that she can be utterly selfish (and she has admitted to it too) thinking only about herself and so on. But, its something that bothers me less and less, because I seem to love her more and more O_o lol if that makes sense. Anyways :P Keep reading :) I'll get around to finishing the story eventually :)

  3. I'm hanging on by a thread


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South Africa
BA English and Communication graduate. I like to write stuff!