Friday, September 25, 2009

Plaster For My Heart Please? :D

There are many ways to get over a person that you don't ever seem to be over, unfortunately I don't know any such ways O_o 

I have my cousins over from Secunda, which is rad! They have been here since wednesday, and were here for Claudia's 21st (which, may I add was totally awesome :D) they have stayed ehre until today because their mom had a job interview here in Jhb so there didn't seem to be any point in driving home and coming back again. I took leave off work just to spend time with my cousins, and I do not regret doing so, I am just going to miss seeing somebody very, VERY much.

I am off with them to Secunda today, and I reckon I will probably be back on Monday or Tuesday. It is really cool, I love being in Secunda and lazying around, killing time with Veronica and Jesse. It just made me realise though that I will be missing youth, as well as any other weekend activities on this side of the world. Meaning that I will not see Amber at all this weekend :( The last time I saw her was after my previous blog entry - last week Friday, when I realised that I'm nowhere near as over her as I thought I was. So this weekend is a miss on seeing her, but then, my cousins will probably be coming back with me to Jhb next week when I get back, and spend Monday/Tuesday until Sunday here with me. This means, I will probably miss youth AGAIN and thus, not even see Amber. Meh... This is depressing me just thinking about it. Why the hell can I just not get over her already??? I can think, "Wow, two weeks until I see Amber again." While she is probably thinking "hmmm, "

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I can even sit and think about how I'm slowly getting over her, then some random memory hits me, I see some picture of her, I see her, etc... and I realise just how NOT over her I am >_< *sigh* I don't know why, but I'm just starting to see certain themes surrounding my life at the moment. Why is it, that when a girl gets some dumb ass guy, they stick with them no matter what? They "love" them and will do anything for him. Yet, I think of myself as a decent guy, I looked after any girl I may have been in a relationship with. Sure, I'm far from perfect I know, but one thing I'm sure of is my heart. Amber was my 3rd girlfriend in my whole life, and yet, I can't get let her go. I know for a fact I love her, and our history together should be testimony enough for that. I have ALWAYS tried my best to be there for her through thick and thin. Yet, she seems to find it simple to let go of me. It actually makes me feel like crap =/ like, maybe I wasn't good enough for her if I'm that easy to let go. The thought scares me, because even apart from the issues that came about, or my stuff ups, I know I put my all and my everything into that relationship, all for a big fat nothing.

I see myself as a good guy, and some people don't understand why I don't just give up with her already. I'm not as verbal about her as I was before so I'm sure everybody must think I'm doing ok with my heart. In all honesty, I don't understand that myself. Even falling in love with her took me by surprise, because I never saw anything in her. Then it hit me in a day and I felt her in my heart. That was well over two years ago. If this was just some BS teenage hormonal and naive love, then I'm sure I would have been over her already by now -_- (I know I'm 21 and no longer teen :P but I was 19 when we started dating)

The reason I this whole emo blog came about was because I just saw a recent photo of her uploaded to FaceBook by somebody else. I should just stay off that damn site >_<>

Amber, I miss you. A lot... A Hell of a Lot. I wish you missed me too :( enough to say something to me or let me know.

Ok end sad writings here :) yay! I'll just put on a fresh plaster and hope it holds ^_^

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South Africa
BA English and Communication graduate. I like to write stuff!