Publicly Exposed

FINALLY! It's just you and me now blog. I finally have the chance to sit down and dictate to you what happened over this weekend.

As we all know (I think I have mentioned before) my friend Gruff goes to a design college. The other day he got given quite a big assignment. He had to do twenty model sketches of somebody standing in various different poses. Obviously, getting somebody to pose or "model" for you can be quite difficult, so I can only imagine people from his college sketching people straight out of magazines or something like that. Gruff, knowing I am willing to help him out with pretty much anything, asked me if I would mind posing for him. The thought of standing in twenty poses didn't really sound super appealing, but I would do that kind of thing for Gruff anyway. Initially we planned for me to arrive at his house the one afternoon before the braai happened. (the braai I spoke about last week, where everybody was having super savvy conversations and I was all confused.) I ended up getting there a little bit late, and Gruff suggested that maybe we do it on another day when there is lots more time. Getting twenty sketches done wasn't going to take something like an hour, it would take several. So we ended up just hanging out in his room, waiting for people to arrive for the braai, when a ton of bricks fell into my stomach.

"Maybe I should tell Amber to come sketch you too." He said casually, before sending her a message over facebook. I groaned out, thinking about how random that was going to be. I am by know means super self conscience about the way I look (maybe a little, but who isn't?) but standing and posing in front of my ex for a good few hours, having her analyze me (whether for her sketches or her own intent) really didn't sound that great to me. I dreaded the coming of friday.

So Friday came, and I headed over to Gruffs house. I got there before Amber, but when she got there it was like a bucket of ice had been poured down my throat. They sat down in the lounge, and I stood in front of them, waiting for them to tell me what to do. I was dressed in Jeans and a shirt, because I just assumed that would be ok. They told me to stand normally for the first pose. My friend Gruff loves teasing me, and generally I do not mind. When Amber is sitting there though and laughing at me along with him, well that wasn't the greatest. My next hurdle was about to smack me in the face though.

"I can't see your skeletal structure." Gruff said sounding disgruntled. I was already defiant in my head, insisting that I would not be taking any clothes off. I told him no. He let it go and we proceeded to the second pose. It got even more annoying. Their consistent whining and groaning grated me a lot, but I kept quiet, although I must admit, I honestly kept thinking about getting up and walking out upon the next negative comment. Eventually I really could not take it anymore, I would just have to swallow whatever it was that was making me so sour, and do what I could to help my friends do super sketches for great marks at their college.

"I'll take my shirt off," I said. "On condition that you keep your comments to yourself." They both agreed, but I knew it wouldn't last forever. I took my shirt off and proceeded to pose in whichever way they told me next. My face burnt a little. Even though I wasn't looking directly at any of them, staring dead ahead trying my best not to move, I could see Amber looking up and down from me to her page, sketching me and detailing me as she saw. I know it sounds lame, but I really did feel a bit self conscious, thinking about the bazillion imperfections she is going to be seeing and drawing, and possibly making a mental note of. I kept thinking about how being topless isn't like being naked or anything, I mean come on I have swam in front of her and what not, but I have never had to stand still and let her analyze me. It wasn't long before the next comment came.

"We can't see your leg muscles. Take your pants off." She said with a giggle. I said a flat no, and let them carry on drawing. They eventually suggested shorts, and I again said no. The same little voice popped into my head again though, telling me to swallow whatever it was holding me back, and help them out. I asked Gruff for a pair of shorts, and went to the bathroom to get changed. I went back out trying to feel super confident, but their gazes felt like lasers burning into my skin. Ambers more intent then Gruffs. I know this was all in my head, but a guy can be self conscious can't he?

I can also quickly add here that my muscles were getting very sore. Each pose took around 15-20 minutes for them to do. Stand still in any position for long enough and one or other muscle is going to hurt :|

They did about nine drawings before time was up. We would need another day to finish up. We organised to do it on Sunday. There was also going to be another guy from their college their to utilize me too. Great, me posing in front of a complete stranger.

Saturday came and went, too lazy to tell you what happened there :) and then Sunday.

It wasn't as bad as Friday I guess. I was in a much better mood, and I got on with it. Plus they had enlisted the help of our friend Herman to do some poses though which was a major relief! We took turns doing some poses, but Herman had to leave earlier to be at church, so I was left doing the last few again. The odd comment from them teasing me wasn't really helpful, I dealt with it. I couldn't help but smile though when Gruff laughed and was like, "Fig you have the roundest bum ever." Amber then said straight after, "He has a really nice bum." Haha :) I know that was random, but I really honestly couldn't help but smile at that.

Amber has no idea how tough it is being around her. I constantly glance at her and admire how gorgeous she is. She never seems to catch me doing it though (thank God) all I want to do is be alone with her and just stare into her eyes and hold her. Instead though I had to stand still, not look at her in her eyes, and let her stare at me. Eventually when they were done (by the late afternoon) I was totally exhausted. Sure I understand drawing isn't a quick or easy process, but standing in bizarre poses for extended periods can actually have an effect on muscles.

After we were done I was going to leave to get food and go home, but I somehow ended up agreeing to go and buy food for everybody. Amber willingly decided to come with me. For some reason I instantly hit depressed mood as we got into the car. Amber amazed me and annoyed me at the same time. She annoyed me when she picked on how I was being all sad, but then she surprised me by telling me to cheer up and smile, because as soon as I saw her smiling at me, I couldn't help but smile back. I really don't understand the way she makes me feel. It's unexplainable on so many levels. Needless to say when we got back I seemed way better.

I got home and was doing random things before I noticed that Amber was chatting to me over facebook chat. We just spoke random stuff, most of which I won't go into detail with, but then before I knew it I mentioned to her how I thought she was analyzing me while she was drawing me, and how it was difficult for me. She simply made me smile again, by saying a few things. She also mentioned that she got to stare at me all day without my shirt on, and she quite enjoyed it. Sure it made me feel a bit like an object, but I was just posing there after all, what else was I to say? Hearing her say that she liked the way I looked meant a hell of a lot to me. Most confusing female ever!

So thats pretty much my weekend in a nutshell (even though it was a bit of a long entry. Oh well.) This week I also started my third book :x I don't know whats wrong with me! I am supposed to focus on my first two but I really couldn't help it. At least this third one WILL REQUIRE me to write at least a few times a week. I'll let you know whats happened as soon as I do :)

Later!