Blogger, She is Confused!

HIYA!

Yesterday I said it was my 101st blog, according to my actual blog main page, this will only be my 98th (or 99th) blog. I'm equally confused as you are, but I'm sure over the next few days I will definitely have surpassed the 100 blog mark.

On my phone I have a very nifty e-reader which I have been using to catch up on some old favourites of mine, and reading up on some new books. I have decided to figure out how to put my blog (2009 and 2010 posts) into a teeny book format like the other books I read, and read through my life thusfar. I know it will be a far more interesting read for me, maybe not so much for others. I know it is quite a decent length too, probably the length of a decent sized Novel. Why in 2010 I had 58500 words or so! I know 2009 didn't hold as many words, but it will definitely add to the word count as a whole.

The University Of Johannesburg, first time I have ever heard of in my life, is experiencing an influx of late registrations! It has been all over the news how mad traffic has been and how long the line of prospective students has been for late registrations. I can't help but feel my chances have grown stupendously slim now, even though technically I have been accepted already (space dependent) and all these people trying to apply now never applied last year at all. In my desperation I have searched over the interwebz, and double checked colleges I may have overlooked. To my relief it looks like Boston City Campus still have open registrations, and they offer Journalism! I will have to enquire further, but at least there is a Campus nearby, it is even closer then UJ which is quite a bonus. In fact, I think I would rather go there then to UJ. Only time shall tell of course, still got fingers crossed for being accepted into either of them, else If I work this year I may just drive myself into insanity and all that jazz.

I must say, things with Amber have really been super chilled lately. I know I was hoping for the whole "get back together thing" but it never happened. It really sucked at first, having to be around her when she didn't seem interested, and I guess it still is in a lot of ways. I have to fight with myself to just be a friend to her, not hope for anything more at this moment in time. It's INSANELY DIFFICULT to not throw out compliments to her though, I fight on my hardest. She is maturing so much more these days, more then I thought she ever would, just because I thought she was quite mature already. The thing that makes me smile the most though, is that she still has that little giggling girl in her, the goofy (in a good way!) one who laughs at the big and small things.

I find that I often try find things to be upset with her about, I don't know why. Lately I can't honestly fault her though. She always chats to me over google talk, seems to want to spend some time with me too, and sms's me every now and then. Before I'd just find myself irritated that she never seemed to make the effort. I feel crap about myself now though because it doesn't seem like I am making any effort in this friendship myself. The truth is I am just scared to spend time alone with her, because whether she realizes it or not, its difficult for me. It makes me happy to be with her, but sad at the same time because I'm not really "with" her (if that makes sense)

Its still a learning curve I guess :) I just refuse to think about start of second year for her and Gruff... because man, if I thought I didn't see them much last year, this year is going to be a lot worse :S